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What Kind Of Retard Gets Himself Arrested For Stealing Pens From A Police Station?


This kind of retard. Meet Edward Allen Lucas.

He decided he’d rook all those pens they keep on chains at the St. Tammany Parish sheriff’s office. Which is an awesome prank right up to the point where they see you doin’ it.

They only make morons like this in one place. And you know where that is, right?

Police say a Mississippi man is behind bars in St. Tammany after being caught stealing pens from the Sheriff’s Office administrative complex in Slidell yesterday.

St. Tammany Sheriff Spokesman George Bonnett says Edward Alan Lucas (above) came to the Slidell building yesterday with the stated intention of obtaining a copy of a police report.  Bonnett says while the clerks were pulling the file, they noticed Lucas acting suspiciously, walking up and down the area in front of the records division’s counter.

Police say after Lucas left the building, the clerks noticed three pens, normally on small metal chains at the service windows, were missing.  Officials say video from the complex’s surveillance system showed Lucas detaching the pens from the chains and putting them into his pocket.

Bonnett says detectives “made contact with Lucas this morning and arranged for him to meet them at the complex.”  When he arrived, police say the man admitted to stealing the pens.

Lucas was booked into the St. Tammany Parish Jail on one count of misdemeanor theft.

Ta daaa. Hotty Toddy, jackass.

We got murderers and rapists. We got gang-bangers and carjackers and thugs who go around beatin’ up people because of the color of their skin.

And then we have redneck dipshits out of Mississippi who think it’s a solid plan to boost plastic pens from a police station. What’s he think, there’s a fence out there for those pens? Big underground aftermarket in Singapore for ‘em?

And not only that, he had to cross state lines to do it. If he’d ripped the pens off the chains in Waveland or Bay St. Louis he’d get a summons. On the other side of the Pearl River you get a night in jail because you’re an out-of-state redneck dipshit.

On video. Takin’ pens off chains at a cop station. With everybody watchin’.

Call me a racist all you want, OK, but the fact this guy is white makes it all the worse. I don’t wanna hear anybody rippin’ on black people and crime right now. No self-respectin’ gang banger in da hood goes up for stealin’ pens from the sheriff while he’s on surveillance tape. None of those cats is that stupid.

No. It takes a white dude from Mississippi to be that stupid.

I was OK when Obama won the election. We can survive that. But we can’t survive white dudes from Mississippi who do somethin’ this pointless.

Y’know, Cool Hand Luke got thrown in the clink for cuttin’ the heads off parkin’ meters, but that was kinda like a nihilistic social protest type thing.

Plus it was in a movie. Didn’t really happen.

This did. And I’m thinkin’ this is the first real sign the Mayans had it right.


1 Comment

  1. Oscar! Don't hate on the Mayans. They just ran out of rock. We now know they misplaced it in this idiot's head.

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