I like William Munny out of Mizzurah. Even though he kilt wimmin and chillren (but especially because he kilt Lil’ Bill, who needed killin’ for his violence to the trade of carpentry if nothin’ else). And I still like him even though that Chrysler ad was bunkum and bosh. There was some good stuff in there, but generally speakin’ it’s kinda ridiculous for William Munny out of Mizzurah to talk about De-troit makin’ a comeback when Obumble fed ‘em $30 billion we’ll never see again.

Even William Munny out of Mizzurah had to come out and say he’s not with Obumble today.

That’s a long post in itself, and MacAoidh and Dan Juneau and Tom and Sarge and some other fellas who post here can prolly do a better job with it.

I’m just sayin’ I like ol’ William Munny out of Mizzurah, but I ain’t so hot on his ad for those oversized Fiats he’s sellin’.

I liked this one better. Nobody can object to Breesus and his kid, right?

Not that he needs the help, but I spent time today working on some bumper sticker ideas sure to help Romney along on the road to the White House in the general election.

This first one plays off the statement that Romney made about how he likes to fire people, which Obama is sure to use against him in a future campaign ad. There is nothing wrong with firing people, as long as it’s for the right reasons and the great thing about this is we can give Romney a hand in adding Obama’s name to the list of the unemployed Americans by 2013—God willing:

I’ve always thought that Mitt is a weird name for someone to have, but it has potential on bumper stickers. This one asks Americans to just “give a Mitt.” about the future of our great nation and send Obama packing in November.

And sticking to the theme of playing off Mitt’s name for a bumper sticker, here is another one:

Yeah, I know that Obama really isn’t a Muslim, but this one is bound to piss off a lot of people in on the left so I think it would make a great bumper sticker. No one ever said that bumper stickers had to be factually correct, as long as they piss the right people off they are worth while. I kind of envision this one making its way on to pickup trucks sporting gun-racks.

Gingrich has made a lot of use out of calling Romney a “Massachusetts moderate.” Well, I think that the public should be reminded that there are worse things you can be:

Romney is well on his way to becoming the Republicans answer to Al Gore as the wooden presidential candidate. There isn’t much he can do about this and it would do him better to poke a little fun at himself than try to get more animated to prove he isn’t some animatronic escapee from a Disney theme park ride.

It was always disturbing when Gore did that, but there isn’t much about Gore that isn’t disturbing:

This is my favorite one and might sum up the best reason to vote for Romney this year. The Romney people should feel free to use these, but if Mitt wants to send me any petty change he has lying around–maybe enough to get me into the one-percent—I wouldn ‘t mind so much:

As many of our readers know, following the fairly rapid expansion of our viewership over the past 3-4 months we’re getting serious  about turning this site into a real advertising medium. We think we’ve got a lot to sell.

We need your help, though.

It’s our expectation – a theory based on what we think is rather informed, if not particularly scientific, observation, that our readers are of the high-end, well-educated and influential variety. But we need to be able to prove that – or disprove it. We need to be able to tell advertisers who they’re getting if they pick up space on our site.

And that’s why we’ve put together a quick 10-question survey for you guys to fill out, if you don’t mind. Getting the info – which is pretty general stuff, like what your zip code is, what age and income group you’re in and a general idea of how you read the Hayride – will go a long way toward helping to launch us as an advertising medium.

And of course that works pretty well for you guys, too, because while we’re selling ads we don’t have to do that obnoxious “it’s that time of year again so we’re hitting you up for a donation” thing. You guys have been great about that when we’ve done them in the past, but we really don’t want to go there.

So the thing to do is run the site on ad revenues. Advertisers want to know about you guys.

Anyway, here’s the link to the survey. If it takes you more than three minutes to complete it, you’re thinking about this stuff too hard. And your responses will be completely anonymous, and we’re not going to do any of this creepy Google stuff where we capture your info and use it against you. In fact, the more advertising we sell here, the less creepy Google stuff you’ll see on this site.

Thanks in advance for your participation – we really appreciate the help!

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Kathleen, my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, ‘Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an asshole. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Kathleen called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We always look for cars with “OBAMA 2012″ stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age.

Or maybe six more weeks of Rick Santorum. I couldn’t tell ya.

They’ve made such a big freakin’ deal about Punxsutawney Phil up there, they now get 30,000 people to turn up in East Jesus, Pennsylvania at dawn when it’s 10 below or whatever it is up there so that some goofball in a top hat can hold up a half-crazed groundhog and say he saw his shadow or he didn’t.

People have nothing to do in East Jesus, Pennsylvania. From the sound of it they drink a lot up there.

Down here we have some much better weather forecasters.

Look, Imma admit it. Last year I took a poke at our two guys in New Orleans and New Iberia who do what Lil’ Phil does up in East Jesus. Here I am singin’ a whole new tune, and if you wanna call me on it you can.

But the way I see it if Jenny Rubin from the Washington Post, who MacAoidh dropped a stinkbomb on this morning, can get away with ignoring the fact she pooped all over Donald Trump’s endorsement when she thought Gingrich was gettin’ it after Trump (for whose coiffure dozens of my kin gladly sacrificed their lives) flipped to her guy Mitt…well, I can change my tune too.

Besides, I’m more of a cute furry rodent. I oughta be able to get away with a lot more than she can. Who you gonna cut slack to, me or this?

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Anyway, I digress.

Now to the weather.

Like I said, the groundhog says they’re gonna freeze their Yankee poopers off in Pennsylvania for another six weeks.

The groundhog’s wrong. Or at least down here he’s wrong.

We know this because T-Boy and Pierre C. Shadeaux say so.

Pierre, who I got to know last summer at that Bilderberg meeting in St. Moritz (yeah, that’s right, we nutria are gonna run the New World Order and all of you are toast), is one hell of a guy. And an expert on weather and climate. In fact, when he’s not lookin’ for his shadow on days like today, he consults with the trilateralists and the Air Force on what chemicals to spray on all y’all from airplanes to make you vote for Soros’ preferred candidate. He said they had a lot of trouble getting the mix just right until about 2006, and every since then it’s worked like gold.

Except for that bad batch they mixed up in the fall of 2010. But that’s in the past and it wasn’t Pierre’s fault. He swears.

I’m not sure I buy into that. Point is, Pierre’s very strong. And when he says it’s six weeks more spring, you had damn sure better make plans for a big crawfish season.

And that’s what he said this mornin’. You can axe Seimone Champagne; she was there.

They think so much of ol’ Pierre they built him a McMansion to keep him from movin’ up to a bigger media market. See?

You’ll notice they scrimped on the facilities, though. Not even so much as a port-o-let. Pierre said he let ‘em know what he thinks about that, and his agent’s talkin’ to Kip Holden about a three-year deal if Kip can get that bus tax passed in Baton Rouge this spring. He said they’d officially put him on the CATS payroll, but he wouldn’t have to be Ralph Cramden or anything.

Good work if you can get it. But the folks down in New Iberia opened this door.

Don’t scrimp on your employees if you know what’s good for you.

Particularly when Pierre’s the guy with the talent and he looks east to New Orleans and sees the deal T-Boy has over there.

Bear in mind, T-Boy is, like I said last year, dumb as Joe Biden. A prince of a fella, never had a harsh word for nobody, but he ain’t smart. So when he says six weeks more spring, you can’t really take that to the bank.

With T-Boy it’s more like style than substance. In fact, he steals Pierre’s picks. Why do you think Pierre’s show goes off at dawn and T-Boy doesn’t do his deal until 10:30?

Well OK, it does have somethin’ to do with all the drinkin’ T-Boy does of an evenin’. But we’re not supposed to talk about that; his P.O. won’t like it.

Anyway, so Pierre says what the weather’s gonna do and T-Boy cribs him. But while Pierre’s crappin’ on his front porch, T-Boy comes correct with some showmanship. For example, this was his deal last year…

And this go-round he took it to a whole new level.

Yep. That’s Kim Kardashian all right. Reggie Bush can’t bring her to New Orleans no more. T-Boy’s done taken that business over.

Like I said, showmanship. It helps that T-Boy’s got the Audubon Zoo coverin’ the costs for that spectacle, but that’s how the cookie crumbles, baby.

Besides, it works like that in New Orleans. WWL’s a 50,000-watt blowtorch and they’ve got Bobby Hebert on for four hours every night. T-Boy quaffs his share of Andygator, but you don’t see him holdin’ one when he puts on his show. Do ya?

The point bein’, Punxsutawney Phil is played out. I don’t care about the 30,000 drunks in East Jesus; down here we got the steak and the sizzle.

We just need T-Boy to share some of that Abita he puts away every night and turn the thing into some sorta pre-Mardi Gras bash. They can’t do it up in East Jesus like we can here.

The speech was great. But Henderson’s one of the greats, and it’s rotten not to have him on the tube when we’re down in the Big Easy.

Enjoy the retirement, Jimmy. We’ll miss ya.

Chris Paul had 26 points and 14 assists in that game, though, which is something of a downer. The Hornets sure need somebody to buy them, because David Stern stinks as an owner.

I’m guilty too. I let Gregg Williams have it, and MacAoidh says I was too hard on him. And that teabaggin’ retard from Alabama gave me about the only joy I’ve gotten this month. Certainly that basketball coach we got who can’t beat Wagner’s meat – or anybody else’s – hasn’t helped.

But I’m pretty happy with tonight’s development, and it appears I’m in a minority. Which I’m cool with – I’m a nutria who writes a blog, after all.

What happened? Jeremy Liggins said he’s comin’ here. Who’s Jeremy Liggins? He’s this kid.

In case you may have noticed, ol’ Jeremy ain’t exactly small.

Unless you consider a kid 6-4 and 291 pounds who plays quarterback small. I’m big for my genus and I’m 3-foot-8 and 27 pounds. I don’t think this cat’s small.

So anyway, the other bunker-dwellers are gripin’ that LSU took this dude. They say he’s too fat to play quarterback. Supposedly, a week and a half ago when he came in for a visit LSU’s strength coach Tommy Moffitt, who’s the Allen West of his profession, jumped all over him when he came in and weighed in at 291. I dunno if Moffitt did the R. Lee Ermey-Private Pyle routine with him, or what, but supposedly he was at least suggestive that 291 is a little on the heavy side to take snaps with Les’ football.

Or maybe not. The bunker-dwellers are gripin’, but Liggins had offers from Ole Miss, Mississippi State, Alabama, Auburn, Arkansas, Georgia, Tennessee, Vanderbilt and Oregon and maybe some more. Rivals.com, which admittedly has about as much credibility ratin’ football players as Kris Humphries does pickin’ brides, says he’s the 16th-best quarterback in the country and a four-star recruit. Scout.com, which is better but not the end-all, be-all either, has him as the No. 19 quarterback and a three-star recruit. And ESPN, which ought to be a lot better than Rivals and Scout but kinda isn’t, says he’s a four-star recruit and the No. 118 player in the country at any position.

Which means the people who are gettin’ paid to do this stuff generally say this kid ain’t half bad regardless of what he weighs. And they’re right.

From his film, for example, you can tell he’s a hell of a lot better than Jordan Jefferson. And Jefferson, as ugly as he was to watch, won a pretty good number of games for us (OK, we won in spite of him, but what’s the difference?).

Seriously. He’s a lot better.

For one thing, this cat’s motion is kinda three-quarters rather than over the top like it ought to be and he’s makin’ himself 5-11 instead of 6-4 by throwin’ like that. But on the other hand you’ll notice he gets rid of it quick. Flicks his wrist and the ball’s out of there.

We like a quick release around here, even though outside of when Jarrett Lee played we haven’t seen one in forever. We’re used to a guy who thinks he’s Juan Marichal in the pocket. And you see how easy that is on your short passing game; Jefferson was so slow getting the ball out of his hand that by the time it got where it was going the defense was drawing straws to see who’d get to knock the poo out of the receiver first. We didn’t get a lot of yardage after the catch on short passes the last couple years, and that’s with quick kids like Russell Shepard and Odell Beckham Junior at wide receiver.

And the other thing you notice is that Liggins actually knows how to run those spread option plays. As in, he can actually look at the defensive end and keep the ball on that zone read play when he crashes in on the running back or hand it off when he doesn’t. Jefferson? It was six-to-five and pick ‘em what he was gonna do on that play, and his decision generally had only a coincidental relationship to what the d-end was up to.

Watch ol’ Jeremy run the option, what’s more, and it looks like what an option is supposed to look like. Except for the 290 pound kid running the ball, that is.

Liggins actually sells a pitch and then turns it up the field. He actually keeps a pitch relationship with the running back. He actually moves the ball forward instead of letting the defense string the play out to the sideline. Jefferson was the worst option quarterback anybody down here in Barataria’s ever seen, which made us all wonder why he got to play so much.

Other than the obvious explanation, that is.

Well, maybe that’s not the reason. We ain’t exactly mid-town Manhattan over here, but we do get some scoop once in a while that we can put a little stock in. And what we kept hearin’ is that Miles was scared to death of what a quarterback controversy where one dude is black and one dude is white and neither one is really good enough to sew up the job can do to a team. Which is exactly what you had after Lee gakked it against Alabama, and Miles figured since Jefferson was the starter before he got in that bar fight before the season, it was better to just let him have the job back.

Keepin’ the peace, so it seems. Which might have worked OK for the team, but it gave us bunker-dwellers the vapors the night of that Doom in the Dome game – and pretty much every night since.

Because ever since then, with the goofy Hoosier mama’s boy who was supposed to come here and play quarterback showing up at Notre Dame instead and the Saints losing and the basketball team stinkin’ up the joint and Landon Collins’ All-In-The-Family episode on ESPN, the bunker-dwellers have a narrative. Which is that Miles won’t let his QB throw the ball, that Miles only wants to run option, that Miles runs off wide receivers and that Miles chews the heads off hamsters. Or somethin’.

But I dunno. I remember Jamarcus before he and the Purple Drank got to be couyons. Seems like Les let it loose a good bit back then – at least until it was 35-3 at the half and it was time to hand the ball off until the defensive front seven passed out. And when Matt Flynn took over for The Surrp Sozzler, we chucked it around pretty good then, too. And won one of those crystal football things.

Hell, I remember when Miles let Jarrett Lee throw it all over the place his freshman year. I also remember Miles almost gettin’ fired when seven of ‘em went back the other way for touchdowns, too. I think it was about that point when Miles started becomin’ a cross between Fisher DeBerry and Amos Alonzo Stagg. When your quarterback stinks like goatshit, you tend not to copy Sean Payton’s playbook. And yeah, Miles is the guy responsible for the smell, but that’s different. That would be what you call an accurate gripe as opposed to a Dumbass Gripe.

Only Dumbass Gripes are allowed in the bunkers. Maybe I’m gonna have to come outta mine.

‘Cause I’m good with gettin’ this guy, I’m cool with lettin’ him play quarterback and I’m fine with the idea Miles and his staff can slim him down and make him a pretty good passing quarterback after Mettenjesus is done killin’ it for the next two years.

And if not, so be it. We almost won a national title with Jefferson doin’ whatever that was he did; maybe we can win one with this kid draggin’ linebackers into the end zone.

We can call it the Fatcat Formation. Not fast enough for Wildcat, but who cares?

After all, life is good for the fatcats – the lefties tell me they steal all your money, they live high on the hog, they get all the bling they want and they get to celebrate at the end.

That ain’t so bad. It might even be worth comin’ out of a bunker for a while to see.

UPDATE: This kid committed to LSU in a barroom full of Ole Miss fans in Oxford, Mississippi where he’s from.

So if nothing else you sure can see he wants to be here. Those Ole Miss people probably aren’t gonna be too nice to him.