Procedures

To whom it may concern at the Doctor’s Office,

Having received your latest request for payment concerning your inestimable and appreciated professional services I must admit I may be suffering a lack of proper oxygen perfusion. There’s a recognizable lack of memory as to when I experienced fun during this. It’s my fear I’ve suffered an episode of Alzheimer’s or post-billing cycle hysterical amnesia.

I recall the injections and the requirement to attach ECG leads after dollops of Conductive Gel drizzled down my chest. Then there was the joy of sitting in the waiting room while in close proximity to somebody suffering volcano-like gastric eruptions. The pyroclastic vapors disseminated across the landscape like Vesuvius after a Cauliflower and Broccoli Casserole accented by Deviled Eggs and warm beer. IT was memorable.

The last time I noted an expenditure of this magnitude I stayed at The Stauffer Hotel in Orlando, languishing in luxuriant surroundings (spa, pools, masseurs, personal exercise trainers, gourmet foods and excellent variety entertainment) to delight even a poor soul such as myself. Unfortunately I remember none of this in your instance.

What’s most apparent in my limited memory bank is when I was advised of the procedure’s overall cost causing my bill’s blossoming to an amount approaching One Thousand Dollars. (I don’t recall that little thought bubble surfacing before the procedure.) That would approximate my 20% after deductible approaching another One Thousand Dollars. This was for one procedure associated with my heart. We won’t discuss the amount approaching another One Thousand Dollars for the pleasure of having a million foot long scope inserted into areas best left described as “personal” to assure the end result of any dining experience goes as it should.

I noticed all the people in the rooms wore surgical masks. This seems important as none of the people associated with these procedures can be positively identified. As I’ve not investigated the germophobia related protections utilized by the Billing Departments of these fine Medical Associations, I’m not sure masks are involved there as well.

There was a time when my deductible was a couple of hundred dollars. Then I picked up the co-pay amount demanded by the insurance company. All was right with the world. The sun rose and set as an accepted norm and the birds trilled their songs in the trees and skies of America. Then darkness fell across the world.

Obamacare wafted across the landscape obscuring the issues of preventive medicine and personal responsibility for our health related actions. Obamacare demands you pay for people refusing to accept responsibility for their healthcare. Their inability (or outright refusal to buy personal insurance as is noted in “Bullet-proof”, twenty-something America) to pay means I’m privileged in being forced to pay for your (and their) insurance and/or care. They don’t address Tort Reform to cut costs.

When this started we were told how the poor were being sacrificed by the insurance companies not covering them. (What happened to Medicaid?) Bad, greedy insurance companies. Bad, Poopie-head insurance companies. They made too much money and demanded people pay for (dare I say it?) a “product”. They did this under the guise of something called “business”. This was directed by what they call “risk” meaning not knowing what may happen to affect a thing called “profit”. This in turn decided whether millions of people could have affordable insurance or jobs.

Now, Obama’s arranged so nobody can have affordable insurance. Did the Orator not know the insurance companies need that thing called “profit” to ensure their continued existence and participation in this thing called “Free Enterprise” AKA “Capitalism”, which has been noted as the backbone of the American Economic System?

Never mind. Obama’s educated. Obama’s a lawyer. Obama says a “product” such as insurance is a “right”. That’s probably true if you got your law degree the same place you got your birth certificate.

Lawyers take a different path to my wallet but still assure a deduction in excess of ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS if I try fighting it

I give up. If the bill doesn’t give you a heart attack it’s still a pain elsewhere.

Thanks for listening.

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