UPDATE, 1-17, 2:20 p.m. – According to WRNO-FM in New Orleans, the DA’s office in New Orleans will now investigate the incident, no thanks to the New Orleans Police Department which said yesterday it needs the victim to come forward before launching an investigation.

UPDATE, 1-16, 10:30 p.m. – This thing is hitting TV stations in both states.

WBRC-TV, the Fox affiliate in Birmingham, did a piece on it. But they blurred the attacker’s face. Why on earth would you blur his face? He’s on video committing a felony. What a bizarre thing to do when his face is all over the internet already.

WWL-TV’s report on the case has some quotes from Hillar Moore, the DA in East Baton Rouge Parish, who confirms our distaste for the load of horse manure dumped onto the public by the NOPD that the victim has to come forward and press charges before they can investigate this…

Monday, East Baton Rouge District Attorney Hillar Moore sounded off on the crime, although it’s out of his jurisdiction.

“At the least it’s a simple battery – absolutely at the least. They are touching him without his consent,” Moore said. “You know, sexual battery – the touch of another. If this were in Baton Rouge, and I could locate him and find him, I’d try to try him for anything I could try him.”

The NOPD confirms it is investigating, but officials say the victim hasn’t come forward to press charges.

Moore said that isn’t necessary.

“Don’t forget, charges are brought in the name of the state and not in the name of the victim. So, if the state wished to proceed on these charges, without his consent, they could,” he said.

Kudos to Hillar for a bit of reality. And shame on the NOPD for trying to dodge this thing. It’s an assault not just on the victim but on public decency in New Orleans – and make whatever jokes you want about Mardi Gras, even at Mardi Gras you’re not allowed to dry-hump an incapacitated total stranger who  would probably not consent if he wasn’t comatose with your junk out for everybody to see. And because of that, law enforcement has the OBLIGATION to do something about it.

This isn’t Gumps Gone Wild. It’s sexual battery. You can get 10 years for that, and it’s not acceptable for the cops not to ID this perp and bring his ass in for trial.

UPDATE, 1-16, 3:10 p.m. – The New Orleans Police Department just put out a release on the video, according to Channel 33 in Baton Rouge, and it sure sounds like they’re attempting to ignore the thing…

 “Commander Paul Noel of the sex crimes unit has reviewed the video. He says this – which appears to be a sexual assault – can only be investigated If the victim decides to report it to authorities. No one has come forward so far. Should they decide to, we will perform a thorough investigation.”

We’ll have to cross-check that with our criminal law experts, but first of all this is sexual battery and not sexual assault. Rubbing your junk on somebody’s face is battery. And second of all, we’ll have to check to see if this claim that the victim, who was passed out at the time, has to report the case to the cops in order for it to be investigated will hold up. It sounds like BS, frankly – it’s a good bet that whoever the victim is, even if the rumors that he’s no longer among the living aren’t true, is never going to come forward and say “yep, that was me too drunk to notice the Alabama fan crawling on top of me and smearing his package on my forehead.”

Nice dodge, Commander. What if the victim actually is dead? Guess we’re done here. No harm, no foul – right?

Sure, the NOPD is busy with all the local morons blowing each others’ heads off. But maybe, just maybe, it might be a good idea to prosecute the hell out of this pervert as an example to other perverts who think New Orleans is a good place to abuse the people you can’t get away with abusing back home.

UPDATE, 1-16, 1:57 p.m. – Deadspin.com has the video. We’ve also found another copy of it below.

UPDATE, 1-16, 1:42 p.m. – YouTube took the video down, so we’ll wait for somebody else to post it either there or someplace else.

In case we can’t find it, or in case you don’t have the stomach for it, what it basically shows is a passed-out LSU fan at the Krystal burger place on Bourbon Street, assumedly last Monday after Alabama beat LSU, and a bunch of Bama fans milling around the guy putting trash on him and pouring water on him. And then one sick individual shows up to molest him. Initially the sicko decides to stick his fingers in the victim’s nose and ear, then he progresses to pulling his genitals out of his pants and rubbing them on the victim’s face.

It’s shocking stuff. It’s particularly shocking that this can go on without someone stepping in to put a stop to it.

ORIGINAL – This isn’t safe for work, or really anywhere else, but because people need to see exactly what the behavior of many of Alabama’s fans in New Orleans last Monday night really was we’re showing it anyway.

There are lots of stories about that behavior. We saw some of it first-hand, and it was more obnoxious and arrogant to an extreme than it was obscene and criminal like this.

But the attitude behind this idiocy was present even among a lot of the seemingly nice old ladies the Tide rolled in after that game.

Naturally, a question arises why on earth anybody would pass out at the Krystal burger place on Bourbon Street in such circumstances, and whoever the victim here is needs to take stock of why he’s allowing himself to get that drunk. One wonders who his friends are who abandoned him to that fate as well.

But that kind of behavior in a public place? On video?

Here’s hoping somebody ID’s that pervert and turns him in to the police, and here’s hoping Orleans Parish DA Leon Cannizzaro unleashes sexual battery charges on him. An Orleans Parish jury would have a field day with him.

No plea bargain, either.

Here’s the criminal code provision in question…

2006 Louisiana Laws – RS 14:43.1 — Sexual battery

§43.1.  Sexual battery

A.  Sexual battery is the intentional engaging in any of the following acts with another person where the offender acts without the consent of the victim, or where the act is consensual but the other person, who is not the spouse of the offender, has not yet attained fifteen years of age and is at least three years younger than the offender:

(1)  The touching of the anus or genitals of the victim by the offender using any instrumentality or any part of the body of the offender; or

(2)  The touching of the anus or genitals of the offender by the victim using any instrumentality or any part of the body of the victim.

B.  Lack of knowledge of the victim’s age shall not be a defense.  However, where the victim is under seventeen, normal medical treatment or normal sanitary care of an infant shall not be construed as an offense under the provisions of this Section.

C.(1)  Whoever commits the crime of sexual battery shall be punished by imprisonment, with or without hard labor, without benefit of parole, probation, or suspension of sentence, for not more than ten years.

(2)  Whoever commits the crime of sexual battery on a victim under the age of thirteen years when the offender is seventeen years of age or older, shall be punished by imprisonment at hard labor for not less than twenty-five years nor more than life imprisonment.  At least twenty-five years of the sentence imposed shall be served without benefit of parole, probation, or suspension of sentence.

(3)  Upon completion of the term of imprisonment imposed in accordance with Paragraph (2) of this Subsection, the offender shall be monitored by the Department of Public Safety and Corrections through the use of electronic monitoring equipment for the remainder of his natural life.

(4)  Unless it is determined by the Department of Public Safety and Corrections, pursuant to rules adopted in accordance with the provisions of this Subsection, that a sexual offender is unable to pay all or any portion of such costs, each sexual offender to be electronically monitored shall pay the cost of such monitoring.

(5)  The costs attributable to the electronic monitoring of an offender who has been determined unable to pay shall be borne by the department if, and only to the degree that sufficient funds are made available for such purpose whether by appropriation of state funds or from any other source.

(6)  The Department of Public Safety and Corrections shall develop, adopt, and promulgate rules in the manner provided in the Administrative Procedure Act, that provide for the payment of such costs.  Such rules shall contain specific guidelines which shall be used to determine the ability of the offender to pay the required costs and shall establish the reasonable costs to be charged.  Such rules may provide for a sliding scale of payment so that an offender who is able to pay a portion, but not all, of such costs may be required to pay such portion.

No leniency. Throw the book at that kid. Go for the whole 10 years. Let him be on the receiving end of that kind of treatment at Angola.

UPDATE: Deadspin.com says this is the Google Plus page for the guy who supposedly committed the offense in question. The Deadspin piece also references a story which says the victim in this case is dead, but there’s no confirmation of that.

And here’s the Twitter feed of the alleged perp. He’s now saying he didn’t do it.