My cousin T-Rex is uppity. His group comes out of Delcambre and none of them have the pot or the window, if you know what I’m sayin’.

But none of that matters. Because T-Rex is a good lookin’ fella and he can run him some tail.

And because of that, T-Rex’s broke ass was able to go through rush at LSU and end up in a decent fraternity. He even got to be social chairman for one of ’em his junior year; I won’t say which. Of course, he didn’t last in that job. They fired him after he spent the whole budget on cattails and sawgrass he laid on for a big shindig with the Tri-Delts and there was nothing left to buy beer with.

He said the thing was all about racism against nutria. I don’t think that was quite right. I think it had more to do with the fact that nobody got drunk at the party and that’s not the way it’s supposed to work. You can’t get loaded on cattails, even though us nutria think they’re goooood eatin’.

In any event, T-Rex still has nice things to say about the Greek system at LSU.

But this guy? I don’t think he can run tail like T-Rex. And when he shot off this letter to all the sororities at LSU on Monday, it probably didn’t set him up to improve in that regard…

To whom it may concern:

I have been posting on the Reveille’s Web site under the guise of “Josh Robertson” for some time. I even wrote a letter to the editor which was published, citing me as a student in classical studies. The name and major are a joke, of course, and designed to protect me from retribution from the Greek community. Because of the threats sent to “Josh’s” email address (jrobe2@gmail.com), I will stick with that identity in future Reveille postings and other correspondences.

I wholeheartedly believe that Greeks at LSU need to be eradicated — disbanded and kicked off campus at the very least, unrecognized as official organizations, at the most lenient. This is and will continue to be my personal mission. The small minority of Greeks has taken over and made the experience unbearable for the rest of us. While the Greeks get special treatment, we get shafted. Not all of us can afford to buy our friends and drive luxury cars our parents bought for us. Not all of us can afford to be in prestigious elitist cliques that dictate who our friends are and what we do at night.

Many important campus organizations are controlled by Greeks including Student Government, Rotaract, Kiwanis’ Circle K, ODK, etc. It is impossible to gain power, prominence or success in those groups because of Greek elitism and exclusivity. Yes, Greeks are active in campus organizations but they are also only serve themselves once they get there, ensuring that their own kind will take over after them. Further, Greeks have a stranglehold on all social activity. Many great people are taken from the rest of campus and held captive by Greek life, confined to a social life of wealth and elitism, taken away from their less well-off friends who are “independent.” They move to a social life where everyone is just like them (white, upper-middle class to wealthy) and aren’t allowed to socialize with non-Greeks.

Greeks control too much of campus. This is especially seen when a fee increase is proposed. They favor it and push it through (Alsfeld’s SG campaign for the Union increase) or stand tacitly aside and let it happen (UREC and Health Center). While Greeks can afford to have a fee increase posted on their fee bill, many students can’t and don’t have the voice to reach the ear of the administration. We don’t have enough money to be important enough for the administration to listen to us about money issues. Ironic, huh? The bus problem is just another problem of Greeks being self-serving. A Greek oversaw the current changes to the bus system, including having Greek buses take on-campus residents to class instead of serving outerlying areas like Brightside or Lake Beau Pré.

Every non-Greek is affected by the exclusivity and illegitimate oppression of Greeks on campus. These “social organizations” which were originally founded by Freemasons, who were part of the Illuminati movement, serve no purpose except to make life for them better while making life for non-Greeks worse. This must be regulated and must be stopped.
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> My life at LSU has been ruined by the presence of Greek organizations and Greeks, and I’m sure that I am not alone. I have spoken with many others who feel the same as I do but think the situation is hopeless and are scared to speak out against such a powerful establishment. I, like many, cannot afford to be Greek; there is no way I could have ever come up with the thousands of dollars required. Greeks are prohibited, moreover, from having non-Greek friends. Even if it’s not a rule, you all know it would damage your precious reputation and maybe keep you from getting that officer spot or maybe put you out of favor with that “brother” or “sister” you’re counting on to help you gain power in some campus organization.

Beyond the more obvious problems of excluding non-Greeks from important organizations on campus and routing special treatment to yourselves instead of the students who need help more, more personal things have happened to me. I’ve been unable to pursue two love interests because of the Greek community. One specifically told me that she was in love with me but could not date me because I wasn’t Greek. Because she couldn’t be seen with a non-Greek at exchanges and other functions, she couldn’t date me. The other was just as clear in not as many words. A society based on community and service, you would assume, should not foster such exclusivity. Why is this the case?

I’ve watched as the campus has been mistreated by Greeks just the same as my luck went awry because of them. I scream and fight and always talk about how terribly the Greek community is affecting LSU, but no one wants to listen.

And as I make obvious, passionate cries for help, no one — especially you Greeks who say you’re all about service and caring about people — care; instead you turn to ridicule and hatred yet again, instead of offering any substantive replies, thoughts, or anything resembling caring, offering only hate and refusal to listen.

I don’t feel like any of my comments or concerns have been unsubstantive. All of my comments are either aimed at eradicating Greek life at LSU or diminishing their ill effects on campus life for the majority of students. Those seem like fairly noble points to me. Aren’t we supposed to live in a society where the needs of the majority are the priority, anyway? My direction and intention is to have Greek organizations no longer recognized as official campus organizations because of the harm they do to those who cannot afford or chose not to participate. LSU would be a better university for it and would make national headlines for eradicating elitism and fighting class distinctions on campus. The only class distinctions we should have are determined by how many credit hours we carry. Any other class distinctions are sources of inequality and tension on campus.

I think comments of hatred and rebuke like the ones I get from Greeks serve only to further my claims that Greeks don’t care about the majority of campus and seek only to further their own needs. Instead of listening to my criticism and providing a thoughtful response to my claims, I have only heard attacks against me and hopes that I fall off a cliff. That certainly doesn’t seem like the “Greek” thing to do as you all are trying to portray it to the public. See how that makes everything fall apart? Maybe now Greeks can understand the sentiment. I guess Greeks don’t have stolen tests or past notes on this subject, though, so it might be a little tougher.

I have presented in the past and will present in the future a proposed “Non-Greek Bill of Rights” that I would love for Greek organizations to consider to encourage the freedom of non-Greeks and lessen the oppressive nature of Greek Life on the rest of us.

I urge your careful reading and consideration of this letter and also welcome any response. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Josh Robertson

T-Rex read this, and his reaction was “Pooo-yie! Dat ain’t gonna get a bid! Not even from the Tekes, fa sho!” Like I said, he’s from Delcambre.

Me, I can feel ol’ “Josh’s” pain. Here’s a guy who needs a girlfriend – bad. But he ain’t gettin’ any in the near future, and that’s a dilemma. ‘Cause he thinks it’s because of the Greeks, and it ain’t. He just believes it because that’s how the poor lil’ girls he won’t leave alone tried to let him down easy. His problem is more likely that he’s a Democrat than that he’s one of them GDI’s.

What he really ought to do, though, is get a cat. It’d be good practice for him. Then he could work his way up to a love life.