The Danger Of Sparkling Sneak Attacks—Who Knew?

One hundred years ago, as Teddy Roosevelt was preparing to give a presidential campaign speech in Wisconsin while running for the Progressive Party, a nut-job emerged from the crowd and shot him point-blank in the chest with a .32 caliber pistol.

Luckily, Roosevelt had his speech in his breast pocket which slowed the bullet headed for his heart. His assailant was quickly apprehended and Roosevelt refused to go to a hospital. He, instead, insisted on giving his speech with the bullet lodged in his body.

About an hour later, after the speech was read from a blood-stained manuscript, Roosevelt submitted to being taken to a hospital and had the bullet removed. Wow–and some of you thought Newt Gingrich was tough for taking on leftist moderators during GOP primary debates.

I’m glad that we don’t have psychos running around trying to shoot presidential candidates these days and that there are Secret Service agents—at least in Mitt Romney’s case—working to make sure this kind of thing doesn’t happen again.

We shouldn’t feel too comfortable, however.

There is recent information concerning the perils that Republican candidates face from the chosen weapon of modern day assailants—the glitter bomb.

Teddy, at least, had those coke-bottle specs to shield him from such attacks if they would have happened to him back in 1912.

Washington optometrist Stephen Glasser warns that glitter-bombs might present more danger to the eyes than a bb gun on Christmas morning:

“If it gets into the eyes, the best scenario is it can irritate, it can scratch. Worst scenario is it can actually create a cut. As the person blinks, it moves the glitter across the eye and can actually scratch the cornea.”

So, what seemed like a rather innocuous attack from demonstrators in support of same-sex marriage is nothing to sneeze at—unless you get glitter up your nose, I guess.

“If the person’s breathing in, it can be drawn up into the nose and into the sinuses and cause one hell of an infection that’s difficult to get rid of because it’s literally an object … that highly irritates the tissue.”

Thankfully, all four of the remaining GOP candidates have survived as targets of glitter-bomb wielding, would-be assassins by exerting resilience that would have made Roosevelt proud.

In a feat of Teddy-like tenacity, Mitt Romney went ahead with a speech after being hit with glitter at point-blank range.

Santorum has been bombed at least twice during the presidential primary race and kept on going—Roosevelt might have wished for Rick by his side on San Juan Hill if he could have seen this:

Even Ron Paul has been on the receiving end of a glitter attack, though his assailants weren’t upset about gay rights issues.

The bomb was lobbed at Paul by someone protesting his stance that the federal government should not be funding healthcare and housing—proving that almost any excuse can be used to make a candidate “taste the rainbow”, whether it makes sense or not:

As far as I can tell, no candidate has yet been injured in glitter assault, though there is evidence that Newt Gingrich might have gone blind with recent statements he has made about how he still stands a chance to win the nomination.

I don’t see how Newt could have kept from getting some of the stuff in his eyes considering the massive amount that was dumped on him in this dastardly assault at a Minnesota book signing.

One thing is for sure, if Teddy were around today this glitter dumper would have gotten a bully ass whooping:

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