NEWSFLASH! from the Big Brother Network where we always work to assure you all the rights we let you have (for the moment):((((
Fighting broke out in a lady’s restroom yesterday at the National Security Agency (NSA) when a lower level employee video and audio taped an associate communicating (allegedly leaking) by cell-phone from a Handicapped Stall. It was noted the offender was NOT handicapped in any other way than she was a lousy typist and a poor hall monitor for the agency.
Jocelyn “The Watcher” Sho-Knowsalot was involved in her second job as bathroom monitor-supervisor in the third floor /west ladies room when she heard Darlene Madeastinky speaking to somebody who appeared (or didn’t appear) because she wasn’t there. Under further investigation, and as the Obama authorized restroom monitor listened intently from the stall next to the one Madeastinky was seated in, it was determined the conversation being conducted in a covert and surreptitious manner and used what could only be described as “code speak”.
Sho-Knowsalot said: “The accused was heard discussing something about how the other person handled a delicate object or subject. The general reference I drew to the conversation was that the other person had moved the accused in a manner she’d never been moved before and that she would respond by supplying more stimulation to the areas needing it. I interpreted that to mean there was going to be a future transmission of sensitive data from the computers here at NSA that the other person would leak to the media.”
The offender was videotaped exiting the stall, her underwear hanging below the hem of her skirt, her face a livid red as she screamed at the Potty Patrolwoman concerning the violation of her right to privacy. Sho-Knowsalot responded she was only doing her job as mandated by Presidential Executive Order #120003452132478 issued to stem leaks like the one WikiLeaks Founder Julian Assange got from Bradley Manning and Edward Snowden produced causing untold embarrassment to the President specifically and the United States in general. Until these two leaks nobody apparently knew the United States and other major players on the international diplomatic scene all the way down to the Independent State of Borneo was conducting acts of espionage.
In the High Definition video Madeastinky is seen getting into Sho-Knowsalot’s “grille” while screaming, (and we caution the listening audience of the graphic nature of the conversation so small children should be removed from the room): “the only leak I was talking about was with my urologist as I made an appointment for a bladder tuck you bitch!!!!”
Madeastinky is clearly seen slinging wet bathroom tissue into Sho-Knowsalot’s already proximally assaulted “grille”. Then the fight ensues with punches thrown, slaps delivered and clothing torn as the two combatants roll on the floor while the toilet formerly occupied by Madeastinky overflowed. Eventually a Special Weapons and Tactical Team from the Department of Homeland Security (Special Bathroom Protection Detail) responded to the scene and order was restored with Madeastinky being taken away in handcuffs and a covering over her mouth later described to us a “spit-guard’. The accused (Madeastinky) appeared dazed and confused after having been “tazed” several times by one of the SWAT members.
Sho-Knowsalot, when interviewed after she had a chance to get her hair and nails done, said: “I was just doing my job, monitoring leakers and chasing down people dribbling information to people trying to discredit our beloved leader President Beaurat Obama. I thank him and his congressional associates for providing me the specialized martial arts training to fight off the attack by this obvious enemy of the state and neo-American, post Constitutional Union of Socialist Antagonists in Washington.” Sho-Knowsalot is then seen delivering the Neo-American salute of hands-over-eyes-ears and mouth with a little bye-bye wave signifying the death and departure of the Bill of Rights.
The McClatchy Group’s Washington Division ran this story posted on Tue, Jul. 09, 2013:
Experts: Obama’s plan to predict future leakers unproven, unlikely to work
By Jonathan S. Landay and Marisa Taylor | McClatchy Washington Bureau
The story goes on to state: “In an initiative aimed at rooting out future leakers and other security violators,” (going back to October 2011 – my emphasis) “President Barack Obama has ordered federal employees to report suspicious actions of their colleagues based on behavioral profiling techniques that are not scientifically proven to work, according to experts and government documents.”
George Orwell really was visionary, wasn’t he?
Thanks for listening.