Look, Y’all, The Louisiana Senate Race Is Boring

There. I said it. Everybody happy now?

I can say this Mary Landrieu-Bill Cassidy-Rob Maness-Hollis Paul (or whatever his name is) thing is boring, because now I have a standard to hold it up to.

B’leeve it or not, we’re runnin’ a snoozer here…compared to Iowa.

Iowa, of all places.

Why is Iowa sump’n and this isn’t? I’m glad you asked, and I’ll tell ya.

First, we have this woman Joni something. She’s runnin’ on the Republican side. And she…well, let’s just have her tell it.

Can’t touch that. I’d call it red meat, but that cuts a little close to the bone. And so forth.

The thing is, Miz Joni and the 4-5 other Republicans in that race probably wouldn’t have much of a shot at winnin’ that seat. Iowa shouldn’t be Democrat this year, but most folks think that’s what will happen. The seat up for election is Tom Harkin’s seat; he’s the dipstick who got Marco Rubio’s Irish up when he flacked for the Cubans on the floor of the Senate a few weeks ago. Harkin’s an ol’ Soviet relic nobody gives a hoot in hell about, but he’d win elections every six years easy.

And the other reason why the D’s are s’posed to win is because they’ve got a much better candidate than anybody the Republicans got.

He’s awesome. He’s a congressman, he speaks purty and he can raise all kindsa money. His name’s Bruce Braley. Here he is…

Oh, wait.

Yeah, that ain’t the best sales pitch I ever saw.

The more you find out about it the funnier it gets. Turns out Braley was speakin’ to a room fulla rich ambulance-chasers…in Texas.

That guy James Taranto gives us more…

Braley’s self-description is more substantively revealing than his disparagement of Grassley. As National Journal describes it: “Braley, who practiced law before joining the House, told the crowd he would be someone on the Senate Judiciary Committee with ‘your background, your experience, your voice, someone who’s been literally fighting tort reform for 30 years.’ ” (As an aside, you’d think trial lawyers would come up with a more derogatory framing than “tort reform,” which sounds like a good-government measure and is meant to.)

The identity of the videographer hasn’t been revealed, but the 38-second video was posted to YouTube by America Rising, a conservative political action committee. The visual is a treat, too: On the table alongside Braley are liquor bottles and tumblers. So there he is at a cocktail party, disparaging farmers and promising to serve the trial lawyers. About the only thing that could have made it worse would be if it took place in New York or Beverly Hills rather than Texas.

This columnist has nothing against lawyers, much less cocktails, and as a city boy we have no sentimental attachment to farming. But we suspect that makes us rather different from the average American voter, and even more different from the average Iowa voter. Not for nothing was Dodge’s 2013 Super Bowl ad, featuring the late Paul Harvey’s monologue “So God Made a Farmer,” a big hit. (Our colleague Kim Strassel, a daughter of rural America, memorably satirized it in her Potomac Watch column as “So God Made a Farm Bill.”)

So God Made A Jackass Senate Candidate. Too bad Harvey ain’t around to narrate it.

We’re boring around here, I tell ya. All the action is up in Iowa this year.

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