The Hayride

Meet Benjamin Haas, Flag Burner

Meet Benjamin Haas, Flag Burner
May 11
11:05 2011

SEE THE FULL RUNDOWN OF HAAS’ ABORTIVE FLAG-BURNING ATTEMPT HERE.

This is the clown who wants to burn the flag on LSU’s campus today. Which he has a right to do. There’s no law against him doing so, although there’s also no law against calling him a turd the rest of us should treat with scorn and derision.

His name is Benjamin Haas. He’s a grad student in the mass-comm department. He’s from somewhere in Missouri.

He writes poems.

Here’s one. See if you can decipher this. But don’t give it too much attention.

Morning swim and foggy eyes unsure keys and best thoughts are like swords. Dragonfly mating Winnebago trips and three day old instant coffee. There’s half a continent in between it all, and dotted lines. Dreamt of sea turtles and oil spills, we are in a bit of a pickle she says at the convenience store counter. I am still waiting on my jar, like that blue soda bottle tornado, perhaps a bookshelf memory for the prehistoric creatures in the packets and cannibalism. Windy morning looks like showers that might keep all the ships at bay, I am just trying not to be afraid of everyone. I saw a paisley sunset in the book you will write tommorrow. There’s a wooden plank engine roar tinny enough to blind. Wore the right costume, forgot my shoes and my socks never match. Saw the grave grey city walls that line your bunker apartment bus stop, need to find a ripe tomato and thirty-five cents to make a fellow tall enough. If I could dress them all in a gown of flames, I would forget on purpose. Ocean wave flag wings and blinking, lights dim twinkle complex, as a square in the museum throats rust pincer soup.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, he ain’t.

But Ralph Waldo Emerson didn’t do performance art.

Neither does Benjamin Haas, from the looks of it.

Are you getting an “I’d-be-Jared-Loughner-but-I’m-too-big-a-pussy” vibe out of this kid? I dunno.

Basically, this guy is a loser looking for attention. And he’ll get it, because normal people will be outraged by what he’s doing. Which means lefties will acclaim him – because lefties are motivated by hatred for normal people.

Let him burn his flag and go away. But if you’re in Baton Rouge and you see this guy on the street, feel free to tell him in no uncertain terms what you think of him.

His parents did a hell of a job.

UPDATE: And here’s an audio interview with him about poetry, if you actually care. He isn’t brilliant.

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