For Your Viewing Pleasure…

…may we present the latest from Iowahawk…

I guess things got a little better at the Amsterdam airport. JihadAir had a concierge service waiting for me at the gate, some Pakistani guy holding up a little “Abdulmutallab” sign. All apologetic, like, “oh, I am so sorry for your inconvenience, Mr. Abdulmutallab,” “let us take care of your arrangements,” “you are a valued customer, Mr. Abdulmutallab,” “let me get the detonator for you.” I guess he heard about my hassles at Lagos and was worried I would transfer my miles to Air Shaheed.

Anyhow I had a two hour layover, so I stopped into the Magic Carpet Club for a complementary pretzels and hashish. Afterwards I had the munchies so I went to the Cinnabon. Geez, 5 euros for a freakin’ cinnamon roll? Talk about air piracy! When the flight to Detroit started boarding, the concierge told me to keep quiet and he would take care of the check-in. The US State Department agent asked to see my passport, and the concierge explained that I was a Somali refugee. So she looks at her computer screen and says, “um, I’m afraid there’s a problem, this passenger’s name is on a watch list.” Oh, great. Looks like my dad is playing Mr. Buzzkill again, just because I took that semester off from Oxford to go backpacking in Yemen. So I showed her my official State Department visa.

So I’m like, “honey, do I look like I’m a US military veteran?”

“No.”

“Do I look like I’m some sort of right wing anti-tax teabagger?”

“No.”

“Do I look like anybody else on the DHS terrorism danger list?”

“No, but…”

“Then I suggest that unless you want a nasty anti-discrimination lawsuit on your hands, you’d best give me an aisle seat. With extended legroom.”

Do yourself a favor and read the entire thing.

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