Things We Don’t Much Care About

14nwnutria2Thursday nights in the nutria community down here in Barataria are usually pretty wild, which means Friday mornings make for cranky freakin’ coypu. So you’ll excuse me if I’m a little less than my normal fun-lovin’ self.

But there’s a lot of freedom in a raging hangover. So I’m taking advantage. I got somefina say.

Which is this…

Who cares about porn stars who don’t run for the U.S. Senate? Outside of the guys in the trenchcoats at those “older” movie theaters, that is.

Apparently a lot of those guys work at newspapers in Louisiana. Because this Stormy Daniels broad, who has some happy mammaries, by the way, announced she’s not running for the Senate, and it was in all the papers.

I don’t get it.

She’s not running.

She doesn’t live in Louisiana.

She makes porn movies someplace else.

We’re supposed to care, why?

Daniels said she’s not running because she doesn’t have any money. That’s not news. Nobody has any money right now. My cousin Tee-Ray is so poor, he married his daughter off young just to get the rice. That she can’t raise enough money to make a run for the Senate isn’t exactly news, either. You mean people don’t want to donate money to run a porn star for the Senate? Be still mah hawt.

We only get some of the story down here. What we got was that she was a better-looking-than-normal stalking horse for Charlie-Boy Melancon’s campaign. That might be true. She’s better-looking than Charlie Boy, for sure, and apparently knows more about taxes than he does.

Makes you wonder what kind of news media we have in the state when a porn star not running for office is in all the papers, but a hate crime against one of the governor’s aides in the middle of the French Quarter is treated like the announcement of what the latest scratch-and-win game from the Lottery looks like. But like I said, we only get some of the story down here.

I wonder about this one, too. We got this chick who’s suing my man Steve Seagal – great guy, by the way; didya know he’s a Buddhist? Best cop in Jefferson Parish, fa true. Anyway, she’s suing him because she says he kept her in a mansion and treated her like a sex slave.

Yeah, that sounds bad. Livin’ in a mansion and foolin’ around with a movie star.

My wife Lulabelle says she’ll volunteer to be the next one. She’ll even sign a release or sumpn. I hadda tell her shaddap – Steve likes Vietnamese chicks, not swamp rats. She’s stuck with me.

Point being, what do we care about all this? Or maybe there’s a solution – maybe Seagal’s chick oughta run for the Senate and Stormy Daniels oughta hang out in his mansion. Then everybody can be happy.

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