…or else you’ll end up like this guy.
A 47 year old gay man was arrested at San Francisco International Airport after ejaculating while being patted down by a male TSA agent. Percy Cummings, an interior designer from San Francisco, is being held without bail after the alleged incident, charged with sexually assaulting a Federal agent.
Wait, there’s more. Here’s where most of our readers can rest a little easy…
According to Cummings’ partner, Sergio Armani, Cummings has “multiple piercings on his manhood” which were detected during a full body scan. As a result, Cummings was pulled aside for a pat-down. Armani stated that the unidentified TSA agent spent “an inordinate amount of time groping” Cummings, who had apparently become sexually aroused. Cummings, who has a history of sexual dysfunction, ejaculated while the TSA agent’s hand was feeling the piercings. The TSA agent, according to several witnesses, promptly called for back up. Cummings was thrown to the ground and handcuffed.
See? No problem. Leave Prince Albert in the can and you’ll fly right through security. Otherwise…freakshow.
On the other hand, there’s this line…
A TSA spokesperson declined to comment on this specific case, but said that anyone ejaculating during a pat-down would be subject to arrest.
Next time you go through security, just think to yourself “Susan Estrich naked! Susan Estrich naked!” You’ll do fine.
Editor’s Note: it’s a joke, people.