By The By, The Crook Gets Out This Month

Ugh.

They’re springing the Silver Zipper from his cage in Oakdale later this month. And the Silver Zipper’s family is like a bunch of Mexican jumping beans about it. Sending out news releases and so forth.

This is going to be THE BIG DEAL in Louisiana politics until the legislative session starts.

As soon as he’s let out, look for a wave of breathless reporters from TV stations and newspapers all over the state flocking to his halfway house so The Zipper can pontificate in front of their cameras. But what you will not hear one time from the old man is a drop of contrition or apology to the people of Louisiana for robbing us blind for 20 years.

We heard a story about Edwards and how he did business from the Old Days – the details on this one we can’t vouch for, but if it’s off the mark at least we can say, Dan Rather-style, that it’s fake but accurate. It seems a state legislator who was at the time single picked up a good-looking college-aged redhead in a local barroom. She invited him back to her place, which was surprisingly well-appointed despite the fact she had no visible means of income. The two engaged in a bout of vigorous congress before said legislator departed for his own more spartan quarters late in the evening.

The legislator’s carousing largely came as a result of the passage of a bill he had sponsored, and he had every expectation that Edwards, then the governor, would sign it. But a couple of days later, he was unpleasantly surprised to learn of a veto.

The legislator was at the governor’s mansion on another matter some time thereafter, and occasioned a private audience with the Zipper. He inquired as to the veto. The response he was given?

“You stop f*&king with my women, I’ll stop f*$king with your bills.”

And this is the guy we’re going to see plastered all over Louisiana’s legacy media for the next two months.

Hoo-friggin-rah.

Maybe we should bring back Puggy Moity to make his accusations about how The Zipper had a “boy-frand” and calling him “Chanel No. 5.” That would be no less tired and no less dignified than the swooning we’re about to experience.

Oh, and it’s going to get even worse. Because The Zipper found some chippy who’s groupie enough to consider marrying him. Leo Honeycutt, who wrote that hagiography of The Zipper last year and apparently is Edwards’ new BFF/de-facto press agent now, says The Zipper won’t get married again.

But if you read the comments under that Advocate piece, you’ll see a parade of retards who want The Zipper back as the governor again.

A message to said retards: if that’s you, do us a favor. Don’t vote. Ever. Again.

Interested in more news from Louisiana? We've got you covered! See More Louisiana News
Previous Article
Next Article
Join the Conversation - Download the Speakeasy App.

Trending on The Hayride