He’s Got Nuthin’

As a young man I decided I’d rather not hand my money over to sand-bagging card players. I figured I’d spend it more traditionally on strong drink and weak-willed women. No matter the choice it was a bad one for me.

But I have learned.

Mr. Obama recently walked out of a Debt Ceiling negotiation while telling Representative Eric Cantor (R-VA); “Don’t call my bluff Eric!” Mr. Obama didn’t like being interrupted by Cantor as Obama tried bloviating more and more while offering less and less to the substance of the negotiations. Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder could see this was because Cantor walked out of the meetings the week before. Mr. Obama had to match Cantor’s petty petulance with his own. Cantor should have followed junior Representative Jeff Landry (R-LA) and simply not gone to the stupid meeting rather than lend credence to this exercise in futility. Obama walked, the talks stalled for the media and the mental midgets in the room tried archiving of the event. That’s right nobody agrees on whether it was for real or not. Go figure.

But I found Obama’s comment to be intriguing. I decided to check the rules for the game-POKER; specifically “Texas Hold ‘em” (T-H-E). This is allegedly (by my sources, Rory Monahan –www.Texas-Holdem-Secrets.com) the MOST popular poker game in the world.

According to my incomplete studies, Bluffing is more an art and less a skill. Bluffing is described as the “MOST POWERFUL PLAY” in T-H-E . It can give complete control of all circumstances to come based on how long you bluff and how well you bluff. But a bluff still indicates one thing: you know what’s in your hand and you know you’ve got nothing.)

Monahan says there are four main rules for bluffing:

#1. Calls and Small Raises are for wimps. This suggests you must “go large or go home”. That means again, if you don’t see the importance of earning respect or more importantly developing a fear in your opponent, you’ll never bluff well. Nickel and diming the opponent to death will only cost you while he takes your chips.

#2.  Never Bluff the Short Stack. You have too few chips to make advanced plays or bully your opponents. With a short stack, the chances of making successful plays become slim. A Short Stack prevents getting maximum value from your hands. You can’t wager more than you have in front of you, so if you have a monster hand you’re not going to be able to win as much as when you have a full stack in front of you.

#3.  Always be wary of BAD Bluffers. You don’t want to bluff when the opponent holds only a marginal hand you know instinctively has no power. If you wager too much and he’s convinced of his hand’s strength, he’ll take you down.

#4. Know the Bluffs (they follow):

A.)Stone Cold Bluff: the guy bets huge on a hand looking like “go fish”. No strength- no power, but big “huevos”. You’d better be really good to pull it off. When you do, it’s magic; striking fear in the heart of the other players. When it fails, you look cool, but broke.

B.) Semi-bluff: this is when the player has marginal skills and a marginal hand. He’ll try to raise and scare the opponent away. The way you beat it is to “re-raise” his action and force him to draw a card(s) or fold on the spot. Remember: Monahan says, “it’s an art”.

C.) Representing the flop: you bet enough to scare away the weaker players but not so much it doesn’t cause others to draw card(s). You bet with confidence when really you’re the weak hand.

I realized God gifted me when he failed to give me a “gambling jones”. It’s intricate and a devilishly sly game. That’s why politicians like it so much.

But, I have a problem. If I, a rank amateur could hear and see what Obama said and understand the truth of the matter, why can’t the Republican Leadership see it?

It’s nice knowing somebody’s more ignorant than I. But why do we keep electing them?

Thanks for listening.

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