A Typical Day For The Dirty Hippie Goofs Occupying Wall Street

My cousin T-Rex sent me this. He says it’s an e-mail going around.

I’m assuming this means the typical dirty hippie in question is a broad and not a dude. But it could be a dude.

Anyway…

Wake up.

Skip shower and grooming.

Buy $10 grande mocha frappaccino at Starbucks.

Hang out at Starbucks for 3 hours using free wi-fi to check e-mails on $1,600 MacBook Air.

Head back to protest, ignoring numerous “Help Wanted” signs along the way.

Call daddy on iPhone to make sure he paid $59,208 Columbia tuition.

Ask daddy to add more money to meal plan and to send another $1,000 for spending money.

Work on paper for Lesbian Studies class.

Buy weed. Smoke weed.

Work on paper some more.

Order Domino’s pizza for lunch using credit card that daddy pays.

Take taxi to Abercrombie & Fitch for knit cap, because everyone else has one and it’s getting cold.

Bash a few Jews along the way.

Rejoin protest. Beat on bongo drums. Smoke more weed.

Use iPad 2 to check trust fund account and plan Gstaad ski vacation over Christmas, er, Winter Solstice, break.

Ponder the probability of the CIA together with the Jews bringing down the World Trade Center, along with the health consequences of wearing the same Victoria’s Secret thong for 6 days straight.

Smoke more weed. Trim underarm hair.

Make “A job is a right. Capitalism doesn’t work.” poster.

Walk to convenience store for $5.00 bottle of water and cigarettes.

Make out with half naked, emaciated dude with dreadlocks and a mangy mutt on a rope in exchange for some Xanax.

Do shots of tequila with Code Pink lesbians.

Pass out sandwiched between a burly dyke and some dude with pierced nipples.

Interested in more national news? We've got you covered! See More National News
Previous Article
Next Article
Join the Conversation - Download the Speakeasy App.

Trending on The Hayride