Help The White House Stop ‘Gator Bullying…

A couple of days ago, a video was linked to on The Dead Pelican that showed a cat whooping up on an alligator in New Orleans that just wanted to eat his chicken in peace. This outrage apparently happened at the Cajun Pride Swamp Tour.

I am against bullying of all kinds—even in the animal world—and it’s especially disheartening that this tabby tyrant is egged on by a group of spectators, much like kids would do in a playground fight.

Some are already holding this cat up as a hero and believe that this is an isolated incident of a brave feline going up against great odds because he was hungry and didn’t want the ‘gator to eat all of the chicken. People who think this can be thankful that there are investigative reporters like yours truly who take the time to delve into the matter to discover what’s really going on.

Through extensive research, I’ve uncovered more videos that show this is not an isolated incident and I now believe that it was the cat who put out the chicken to lure the ‘gator out of the water to persecute it.

Doubt me? Check out this video of what I believe to be the same gray tabby cat picking on other alligators:

Need more evidence? Then watch this video of the SAME cat. It was reportedly taken shortly after the LSU Tigers had thrashed the Florida Gators 41-11 back in October. The feline, I have learned, was “cat calling” the alligator and going on about how much his team sucks when the reptile finally decided to stand up for himself.

The ‘gator came out of the water—this is what the cat wanted all along—and walked over to the cat to ask him what exactly his problem was. The cat then bitch-slapped him with no real provocation.

This clip has a couple of curse words in it, so it might not be safe for work. It’s not the cat or ‘gator cursing, sadly the foul language comes from others who are once again cheering the cat on as he picks on yet another innocent alligator:

So what can be done about this? Are we to sit idly by while this pussy-cat makes victims out of more ‘gators?

Fortunately, President Obama has already taken the initiative to stop bullying. The president is right when he says it’s a responsibility that we all share and to take on this important issue between rounds of golf and lamenting that Warren Buffet secretary can’t report her $200,000 annual salary as capital gains like her boss does.

If you think that it’s hard being a kid ( or a billionaire’s secretary) that is being bullied, imagine how hard it is being an alligator—an animal that has constantly found itself on and off the endangered species list—to have to endure the shame of being picked on by a kitty.

The White House, under the direction of Obama, has even created a tax payer supported website to address bullying,

Here are some tips from the White House to help those who are being bullied. I have updated them so that they also apply to alligators—an overlooked minority that is often the victim of bullies. I know that this is a wide-spread problem because I watch “Swamp People.”:

  • Your Feelings are Important. Do not blame yourself. It is easy to question whether you are the problem. But no matter what someone says or does, you should not be ashamed of who you are or what you feel. Be proud of who you are. No matter what they say, there are wonderful things about you. Keep those in mind instead of the disrespectful messages you get from the people (or cats) who are bullying you. Alligators should take pride in the fact that they are a species that have been around for 2oo million years and are Lousiana’s state reptile. Not too shabby.
  • Do not be afraid to get help. Sometimes it helps to just talk to someone who is not personally involved. Teachers, counselors, and others are there to help. Seeing a counselor or other professional does not mean there is something wrong with you. Alligators are cautioned against seeking help from Cajuns in fishing boats, especially ones followed by camera crews.
  • Walk away. Do not let them get to you. If you walk away or ignore them, they will not get that satisfaction. Alligators should just swim away. Cats hate water.
  • Find a safe place. Go somewhere that you feel safe and secure like the library, a favorite teacher’s classroom, or the office. Alligators should probably just hide under a cypress stump somewhere. The presence of large carnivorous reptiles tend to disrupt libraries and classrooms. 

While Obama has not specifically addressed the problems of cats bullying alligators, we should all work to explain to our pets how wrong it is to pick on animals that are different from them as a way of dealing with their own insecurities.

Of course, the alligators could just eat cats that taunt them. That would work too.

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