Attack Of The ‘Walmartians’—Alert Commissioner Williams

I hate standing in line at the convenience store behind Raylene in her NASCAR sleeping pants as she loads up on a weeks worth of lottery tickets and Pall Malls as much as anyone. I hate even more that little potentates like Michael Williams sit around working on laws to determine how he will allow others to dress.

Williams is the Caddo Parish Commissioner who has been pushing a pajama ban since January, though he is yet to come up with an actual ordinance. He hasn’t waivered in his efforts to save our eyes from the ravages of sleepwear in public and plans to introduce one later this month. Williams is also working on a letter-writing campaign to convince retailers to take matters into their own hands.

I’m sure that there are many who read this who will agree that we need a laws to enforce proper dress codes for people in privately owned businesses, but that’s a slippery slope that we don’t need to go down.

Williams says that if we don’t take a stand against pjs in public, it will lead to worse attire. It’s more likely to lead to worse laws dictating how people live their lives. There never comes a time when people who like to tell others what to do feel like they should stop telling others what to do.

We don’t need Williams’ law, but the letter writing campaign seems like a pretty good idea.

If that’s the way he wants to go and would just drop the law idea, it would be a worth while effort. Walmart shopper in particular are guilty of fashion faux pas far worse than wearing jammies in public, however.

Here a few cases that make that point pretty well:

 

I wasn’t really sure what was going on when I first saw this picture, which could be a woman with some serious anatomy issues wearing a g-string. It  could also be a woman who is able to turn her head 180-degrees breaking obscenity laws already in place in most parts of the country.

After closer examination, which will probably lead to some pretty bad dreams if I eat too close to bedtime, I discovered that I was looking the back of a woman—who still has some serious anatomy issues.

She appears to be wearing an apron of some kind. You know the fantasy of coming home to a wife cooking for you in nothing but an apron? This isn’t the way that fantasy goes.

 

This is either a picture of a lady whose last fashion decision should be a hot-pink miniskirt or someone trying to make off with 50 pound bag of Old Roy for her pitbull by hiding it under her clothing. If it is the latter, she was surely successful because Walmart just doesn’t pay door-checkers enough to go there.

 

When I first saw this picture, I suspected the woman on the left thought this shirt was such a wise fashion decision that she bought a similar one for maw maw. It was either that or the other way around and maw maw thought her granddaughter and she would just look precious in matching shirts that lets people know they don’t like to be bothered by anyone for any reason.

When I took a second look, I realized that two photographs are sliced together and these women might not even know each other.

Williams should consider that bad fashion taste isn’t a generational thing and definitely shouldn’t ask either of these woman to join his letter-writing campaign.

 

Proof that even Walmart must enforce dress standards every now and then is the case of Sandy McMillin–the 51 year-old woman in this photograph–who was told to leave a store in Oregon for wearing this outfit.

The ironic part of the story is she claims to have bought the $10 bikini top at the same Walmart. They should have known that they were inviting trouble by selling it to her.

McMillin later told a local TV news station, “If you don’t like the way someone looks, don’t look at them.”

C’mon, there are somethings that you can’t help looking at and somethings you juts can’t un-see. I have to apologize for posting the above photo, which falls into both of those categories.

Women aren’t the only ones guilty of strange Walmart attire. Here is a picture of what looks like a person that might be your grandfather shopping for comfortable shoes—only it’s not. It’s not by a long-shot.

There is certainly something wrong here. It isn’t really apparent what exactly is going on, however.

The strange thing is that I think I know this guy. If any of you live in the Monroe area, like I used too, you might know who I’m talking about—he was kind of hard to miss. As for the rest of you who might be confused by all of this, join the club.

 

This isn’t really a picture I posted to comment on fashion choices—even though I question the skill of any ninja that has to use a motorized scooter to get around Walmart—this one is put up because people on these things tend to annoy the hell out of me.

I know that there are some people who really need these scooters and drive them respectfully. They are not the people I’m taking about.

How is it that every time I go to Walmart there are two idiots sitting on scooters who have stopped to chat—blocking any passage in the isle? It’s either that or someone has decided to park a scooter at an angle to take up just enough room so no one else can get by, as they decide on salad dressing.

If I was going to start a letter writing campaign, these are the people I would target. I might even go for a law as long as the death penalty would be enforced. No justice, no peace.

The term “Walmartians” has come into use in the last few years for the people that we are likely to encounter on any given trip to the store and that’s a pretty good way to describe them:

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