The Yankee media did a big deal this morning about Punxsutawney Phil, who saw his shadow and said they’re gonna have six more weeks of winter in Pennsylvania.
Or maybe six more weeks of Rick Santorum. I couldn’t tell ya.
They’ve made such a big freakin’ deal about Punxsutawney Phil up there, they now get 30,000 people to turn up in East Jesus, Pennsylvania at dawn when it’s 10 below or whatever it is up there so that some goofball in a top hat can hold up a half-crazed groundhog and say he saw his shadow or he didn’t.
People have nothing to do in East Jesus, Pennsylvania. From the sound of it they drink a lot up there.
Down here we have some much better weather forecasters.
Look, Imma admit it. Last year I took a poke at our two guys in New Orleans and New Iberia who do what Lil’ Phil does up in East Jesus. Here I am singin’ a whole new tune, and if you wanna call me on it you can.
But the way I see it if Jenny Rubin from the Washington Post, who MacAoidh dropped a stinkbomb on this morning, can get away with ignoring the fact she pooped all over Donald Trump’s endorsement when she thought Gingrich was gettin’ it after Trump (for whose coiffure dozens of my kin gladly sacrificed their lives) flipped to her guy Mitt…well, I can change my tune too.
Yeah, that’s what I thought. Anyway, I digress.
Now to the weather.
Like I said, the groundhog says they’re gonna freeze their Yankee poopers off in Pennsylvania for another six weeks.
The groundhog’s wrong. Or at least down here he’s wrong.
We know this because T-Boy and Pierre C. Shadeaux say so.
Pierre, who I got to know last summer at that Bilderberg meeting in St. Moritz (yeah, that’s right, we nutria are gonna run the New World Order and all of you are toast), is one hell of a guy. And an expert on weather and climate. In fact, when he’s not lookin’ for his shadow on days like today, he consults with the trilateralists and the Air Force on what chemicals to spray on all y’all from airplanes to make you vote for Soros’ preferred candidate. He said they had a lot of trouble getting the mix just right until about 2006, and every since then it’s worked like gold.
Except for that bad batch they mixed up in the fall of 2010. But that’s in the past and it wasn’t Pierre’s fault. He swears.
I’m not sure I buy into that. Point is, Pierre’s very strong. And when he says it’s six weeks more spring, you had damn sure better make plans for a big crawfish season.
They think so much of ol’ Pierre they built him a McMansion to keep him from movin’ up to a bigger media market. See?
You’ll notice they scrimped on the facilities, though. Not even so much as a port-o-let. Pierre said he let ’em know what he thinks about that, and his agent’s talkin’ to Kip Holden about a three-year deal if Kip can get that bus tax passed in Baton Rouge this spring. He said they’d officially put him on the CATS payroll, but he wouldn’t have to be Ralph Cramden or anything.
Good work if you can get it. But the folks down in New Iberia opened this door.
Don’t scrimp on your employees if you know what’s good for you.
Particularly when Pierre’s the guy with the talent and he looks east to New Orleans and sees the deal T-Boy has over there.
Bear in mind, T-Boy is, like I said last year, dumb as Joe Biden. A prince of a fella, never had a harsh word for nobody, but he ain’t smart. So when he says six weeks more spring, you can’t really take that to the bank.
With T-Boy it’s more like style than substance. In fact, he steals Pierre’s picks. Why do you think Pierre’s show goes off at dawn and T-Boy doesn’t do his deal until 10:30?
Well OK, it does have somethin’ to do with all the drinkin’ T-Boy does of an evenin’. But we’re not supposed to talk about that; his P.O. won’t like it.
Anyway, so Pierre says what the weather’s gonna do and T-Boy cribs him. But while Pierre’s crappin’ on his front porch, T-Boy comes correct with some showmanship. For example, this was his deal last year…
And this go-round he took it to a whole new level.
Yep. That’s Kim Kardashian all right. Reggie Bush can’t bring her to New Orleans no more. T-Boy’s done taken that business over.
Like I said, showmanship. It helps that T-Boy’s got the Audubon Zoo coverin’ the costs for that spectacle, but that’s how the cookie crumbles, baby.
Besides, it works like that in New Orleans. WWL’s a 50,000-watt blowtorch and they’ve got Bobby Hebert on for four hours every night. T-Boy quaffs his share of Andygator, but you don’t see him holdin’ one when he puts on his show. Do ya?
The point bein’, Punxsutawney Phil is played out. I don’t care about the 30,000 drunks in East Jesus; down here we got the steak and the sizzle.
We just need T-Boy to share some of that Abita he puts away every night and turn the thing into some sorta pre-Mardi Gras bash. They can’t do it up in East Jesus like we can here.