I Offer Two Things…

…we don’t do a lot of Michelle Obama stuff around here, because MacAoidh said a while ago that for the most part he wants to keep Michelle Obama off limits.

Her bein’ the First Lady, and all. You like to uphold protocols and whatnot.

But it’s not like she’s Laura Bush. She’s not above politics at all, actually. She’s the one who had never been proud of her country until the hooples started showin’ signs of givin’ her a crib on Pennsylvania Avenue. So she’s fair game.

But MacAoidh said she’s not. At least not normally.

He gave me some leeway on this. Because, well, C’mon, man.

First, there’s this…

And then there’s this…

In other words, it’s kinda not possible to get more of a freakin’ killjoy than Michelle Obama. Gabby Douglas’ nickname is the Flyin’ Squirrel. She does this kinda stuff…

Somebody who does that kinda stuff and wins a gold medal for her country doesn’t need Michelle Obama runnin’ her plate. Seriously. And Gabby Douglas, who’s like 13, doesn’t need Michelle Obama followin’ behind her crappin’ on her food choices as though she was in danger of bein’ some fatass.

Like Michelle Obama, as it turns out.

Yeah, we have lots of fatasses in this country. One reason we do is that Michelle and her husband don’t exactly incentivize people to get off their asses and bust a move. Here’s a Social Security office in Milwaukee…

You’ll notice that ain’t a bunch of bluehairs up in there. Those are the people who are in there getting Social Security Disability checks despite being plenty young enough anre probably able-bodied enough to go find a job. But in the America that Miz Michelle helps run, where we tell an Olympic Champeen athlete not to eat an Egg McMuffin because it’s gonna set a bad example it’s fine for more people to go on disability than get a job.

Because we’re worried about makin’ sure the country stays on its toes, y’know.

Remember this crap?

Barack Obama will require you to work. He is going to demand that you shed your cynicism. That you put down your divisions. That you come out of your isolation, that you move out of your comfort zones. That you push yourselves to be better. And that you engage. Barack will never allow you to go back to your lives as usual, uninvolved, uninformed.

Yeah, right.

This broad is Evita Peron minus the tango dancin’. The poo she comes out with, as compared to what reality dishes out, is really somethin’.

But like MacAoidh says, you can’t say somethin’ bad about the First Lady. It’s unseemly. No matter whether she decides to play Mike Bloomberg in a butt-ugly dress on Leno with the Flyin’ Squirrel. Fuhgeddabouddit. You gotta take it with a smile.

At least until the election, in which the new lady will come in – and you can bet she’ll be the bitchy Mormon with the expensive horse and the so-so looks compared to the black Jackie O…

Whatever, baby.

Wake me up when Obama ends.

Interested in more national news? We've got you covered! See More National News
Previous Article
Next Article
Join the Conversation - Download the Speakeasy App.

Trending on The Hayride