SARGE: So Much For Michelle’s “Legacy”

Question: Just who in hell put Michelle Obama in charge of the nutritional needs of America’s children? She wasn’t elected to any public office. Yet she’s been accepted as knowledgeable concerning American dietary ingestion after she graduated college with a law degree she gave up when her husband decided to run for office. Just because you can count calories doesn’t mean you’re an exemplar of healthy dietary practices; especially when you have a White House chef to prepare your (and your family’s) meals daily and when you’re junketing around the world.

Just because she’s the so called “first lady” (a term deeply cheapened these days) and is also suspect concerning the title “lady”. Martha Washington was a lady; Michelle, not so much.

When I was a kid (sometime after the planet had cooled and man started walking upright) we waited patiently through the week until the lunch ladies looking suspiciously like Billy’s aunt Josephine with the hairnet and three errant hairs sticking out of a mole on her chin, presented us with a portion of (usually no more than six) fish sticks. We got a handful of cold French fries and languished in the euphoria of slathered ketchup and fish flakes made eating a childhood dream. If we were lucky it was all topped off with a cardboard carton of chocolate milk and supplemented with that rubber looking pudding or its transparent cousin the mellow Jello ® with no discernable or recognizable flavor other than orange. It was still orange though they tried convincing us it was a tangerine surprise of insufficiently thickened Gummy Bears.

Now, Michelle has somehow commanded that children not attendant in the upper-crust private school her children go to must eat the dietary equivalent of Pakistani MREs (Meals refused by Ethiopians) assembled for combat actions against the Italians in World War II.

Some of the stuff kids are photo-bombing to social media and showing the disgusting slop dumped on a tray for them to eat is horrible in its lack of substance and negligent in even trying to appear palatable. This is all directed toward creating a healthier American child. This by subjecting them to starvation rations in some instances and totally objectionable fare masquerading as sustenance.

Just because an anorexic Ugandan Marathon runner can cover 26.2 miles (probably accomplished out of fear he’s be forced to eat a school lunch) doesn’t mean all children should be forced to starve to emulate his form and figure. “Oh look! Mumbabwe is hiding behind that drinking straw! Isn’t he a scamp”!

When you’re a kid (at least a normal kid by my experience) there are times you hate school. The sheer drama of being forced to sit in class while the world wastes away without your assistance by playing as hard as you could at any given moment was torture. You yearned for the lunch bell so you could get to the cafeteria and scarf down a lunch of greasy foods kept fluid with fruit drinks or milk allowing you the energy to terrorize the playground before returning to the blackboard walled cell.

That ain’t happening anymore in Education Land. Now it’s Tofu and flavorless, colorless, tasteless, and ultimately useless protein glop slapped on a tray unceremoniously and pushed as in conformity with government standards from the desk of Michelle “the BUTT” Obama.

It should be noted the woman has a gluteal spread reminiscent of the Gobi Desert painted blue at times. She doesn’t eat this crap.

The original school lunch program was a product of liberal efforts to combat the fact school children from poverty stricken homes were suffering academically because they were hungry. It’s hard to concentrate when your last meal was the day before yesterday was the claim. So we started feeding kids at lunch. Then we started feeding them at Breakfast. I was waiting for them to feed them a continental dinner with wine and candles before it was all over with and done.

But we have no fear of the extension of the school lunch program under Michelle. What we do have to worry about is a legion of little, hungry, emaciated and angry munchkins rising up with Sporks (You know; that little spoon with the piranha teeth jutting from the leading edge) firmly in hand as they riot for the overthrow of the bureaucracy led them to hunger pains and a desire to spit their tongues out in disgust. Ankle biters without sufficient foodstuffs will taste the flesh of the lunch ladies if we aren’t careful.

This is all indicative of liberals forgetting, or possibly never knowing the history of any particular system they want to interfere in, before they do it. The school lunch program was intended to be a benefit for the poor; not an ordeal piloted by an idiot looking to create her “legacy”.

Thanks for listening.



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