I first want to express my gratitude to the ongoing support that I’ve received. Your prayers are greatly appreciated and it’s awesome to hear supportive voices.

I also greatly appreciate the donations.

While I’m not being sponsored by any supplemental insurance companies, I can see exactly how important these policies may be for people who are dealing with situations. Not only does your work ability come to a quick close but your budget becomes tighter. Your bills still exist but now you have additional expenses. If you can afford a supplemental policy, get it. I’m not advocating for any company, but I can tell you money is the first thing you’ll worry about. A big thank you for the donations, it has been a huge blessing as are the prayers and well-wishers.

Another thing that I rediscovered is just how useless Facebook has become. I posted my condition and only a handful of people responded. This is the much bigger problem with Facebook. When friends and family members pass away, fall ill, get promotions, or the many different things you would want to know that’s going on in people’s lives, only a handful of people are privy to that information. Facebook is not a place to keep up with your social circle, it’s a place to get inundated with advertisements and clickbait while getting a small amount of information from your circle of friends.

If you want to get information out to people use other means, Facebook is the least useful.

But enough of the griping.

I do plan on giving one more update pre-surgery and I want to keep this as raw and real as possible. After that, I have no idea what I’m going to be like post-surgery. I do know that you won’t be able to recognize me the next time you see me, but that’s ok, you’ll look different to me as well.

I had two more scans done for pre surgery, both were a scan like a catscan, but more detailed. I laid back and the radiologist had me put earplugs in because the machine used sound to make the image. Then they gave me headphones and asked what choice of music I wanted to listen to. I asked for some classical, after all, music can soothe a savage beast. The helmet was put in place and for the next 20-30 minutes I was in the scanner.

I could barely hear the music with plugs in my ear, but the Flower Duet was just the right music for me at that moment. After all, since I’ve found out about the cancer, the intensity has been high. laying back listening to soothing music helped bring my intensity level down. That was until the scanner began to make noise. It was as if the Delibes concert was crashed by The Ministry playing So What! Somehow it blended together in a strange unison. In that moment the burden I felt began to fade. The intensity is wearing off. Whatever fear I might have felt isn’t there now and the challenge I face will be met with determination.

There are questions that I have going into this, mostly the questions that I didn’t think to ask. What is life going to be like post-surgery? What am I up against? Honestly, going into to meet with the doctors, it was this is your surgery, this is the date. The surgery was planned and was scheduled prior to making sure everything was fine. There was blood work to be done, meeting after meeting, and a phone call from a dietician changing my diet up. Things came fast and I was mentally checking into surgery that all the questions that I should have asked got pushed to the side by me. Priority number one, get ready for surgery. Nothing else is a priority. Get prepared.  In my case, I need to get my body physically ready for recovery and getting bills paid.

I will be hospitalized for at least a week after surgery, but from there I am unsure of what life will be like.

There is one thing that helps me deal with this. I’m sure the question most people have when they first hear they have cancer is “Why me?“. Honestly, why not me? I’ve just entered my 50’s and time for me is running out. I can think of many other people who are fighting cancer who deserve it less than I do. If it happens to them, why not me?  I suppose I’m being down to earth, but I’m not better than other people, I simply made different choices. Those choices yielded different results… but I’m not better. For that reason alone, why not me?

That’s not to say that I surrender. I surely don’t. I still have that fighting spirit. Fear is contagious, courage is inspirational.