“The last time I answered questions from you people I was forced to grovel for saying I thought an AI parody meme was funny. Accordingly, I’ve decided it isn’t in my interest in cooperating with the sports media. You need me more than I need you and I’ve been exploited for clickbait and ratings, to my detriment. I’m going to act on that calculation for the rest of this year. There are 104 other players on our roster, so you’ve got lots of other options for interviews and comments.” -An imaginary press release from Texas quarterback Arch Manning, as dictated by Scott McKay