In a surprise move, Louisiana Surgeon General Ralph Abraham announced his resignation, and Governor Landry appointed Hosshead Jacques to replace him.

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Surprised at the news, y’all?  Think how it hit me!  Like a dirt clod upside de head!

But Poppa Landry explained it all real good, sez he wants an outsider, like Securtairy Kennedy up ‘ere in DC, to take the reins.  Well, sez I, as I spend most of my days out of doors on bayous and in the woodlands, gatherin’ some meat for my table, I spec I’m as fit for the job as anyone.

My first duty in office is to give the Si Bon Award to Poppa Landry for banning soft drink buys wif ‘em welfare checks.  We come across a pretty sharp feller, name of Dr Mercola, who had some interestin’ things to say about them thar:

‘More than 63% of U.S. adults drink at least one sugar-sweetened beverage daily, rapidly disrupting gut bacteria, weakening immune defenses, and damaging the gut barrier at a genetic level.

‘Researchers found that the sugar in soda flips bacterial DNA “switches” within days, changing immune signals and gut wall strength, but stopping sugar reverses these effects quickly.

‘Artificial sweeteners in diet sodas alter gut microbe balance, lower diversity, and promote inflammatory bacteria, harming immunity and metabolism even without sugar or calories.

‘Inorganic phosphate in soda absorbs into the bloodstream nearly 100%, spiking hormones that deplete calcium, suppress vitamin D, stress the kidneys, and harden the arteries.

‘Sugar and phosphate together create a rapid, sustained metabolic storm, undermining gut health, hormone balance, and cardiovascular function from multiple angles at once.’

Phew!  That’s a mouthful!  But we’d rather have a mouthful of fresh buttery biscuit drizzled with some natrul honey than guzzle – what’d he call it? – inorganic phosphate, and them other sorry things.

The other award we gots to hand out goes to Siniter Cassidy.  That knothaid gets the Golden Dunce Award for claimin’ there’s nary a bit ov evidence linkin’ autism to Tylenol.  But how’s he explainin’ all this?

• ‘A 2025 review by scientists from Harvard, Mount Sinai and other major institutions published in BMC Environmental Health that examined 46 previous studies and found that most studies — especially the high-quality studies – showed an association between prenatal acetaminophen use and ADHD, autism and other neurological disorders.
• ‘A 2019 Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health study published in JAMA Psychiatry that analyzed data from the Boston Birth Cohort, a 20-year study of early life factors influencing pregnancy and child development. The researchers found that exposure to acetaminophen in the womb may increase a child’s risk for ADHD or autism. They concluded, “Appropriate and immediate steps should be taken to advise pregnant women to limit acetaminophen consumption to protect their offspring’s neurodevelopment.”
• ‘A 2019 observational study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology that analyzed data on nearly 9,000 children born between 1993-2005 to women enrolled in the Nurses’ Health Study II cohort. The researchers found a link between prenatal acetaminophen use and ADHD.
• ‘A 2021 consensus statement that was based on a comprehensive review of experimental and epidemiological literature published between 1995-2020 in the PubMed scientific database. The authors noted that acetaminophen is an endocrine disruptor that can cross the blood-brain barrier and that they found evidence that it may alter neurodevelopment.’

Maybe ol’ Cassidy been spendin’ too much time with the AI chatterboxes; maybe he startin’ to halloosinate like ‘em.

Which reminds me, we got some labelin’ to do for those ‘uns.  New Suhjen Ginrul’s warnins and all that.  The AI chatdoodles are causin’ people to crack their gourds and go plum crazy:

‘The mass adoption of large language model (LLM) chatbots is resulting in large numbers of mental health crises centered around AI use, in which people share delusional or paranoid thoughts with a product like ChatGPT — and the bot, instead of recommending that the user get help, affirms the unbalanced thoughts, often spiraling into marathon chat sessions that can end in tragedy or even death.

‘New reporting by Wired, drawing on more than a dozen psychiatrists and researchers, calls it a “new trend” growing in our AI-powered world. Keith Sakata, a psychiatrist at UCSF, told the publication he’s counted a dozen cases of hospitalization in which AI “played a significant role” in “psychotic episodes” this year alone.

‘Sakata is one of many mental health professionals at the front lines of the urgent and poorly understood health crisis stemming from relationships with AI, which doesn’t yet have a formal diagnosis, but which psychiatrists are already calling “AI psychosis,” or “AI delusional disorder.”

‘Hamilton Morrin, a psychiatric researcher at King’s College in London, told The Guardian that he was inspired to co-author a research article on AI’s effect on psychotic disorders after encountering patients who had developed psychotic illness while using LLM chatbots.

‘ . . . A recent preliminary survey of AI-related psychiatric impacts by social work researcher Keith Robert Head points to a coming society-wide crisis brought on by “unprecedented mental health challenges that mental health professionals are ill-equipped to address.”

‘“We are witnessing the emergence of an entirely new frontier of mental health crises as AI chatbot interactions begin producing increasingly documented cases of suicide, self-harm, and severe psychological deterioration that were previously unprecedented in the internet age,” Head writes.’

And if that warn’t enough, we got other dunderheads who claim that AI is what’s withholdin’ Antichrist from comin’ into the world.  Maybe they’s also been jabberin’ a bit too much with the AI machines:

‘One of the world’s most powerful technology leaders has reportedly warned that regulating artificial intelligence risks hastening the coming of the Antichrist.

‘Peter Thiel, the conservative billionaire who co-founded Palantir, the data analytics group, and PayPal, the payments operator, is said to have made the comments during a lecture delivered in San Francisco this week.

‘Thiel, a former donor to Donald Trump and mentor to JD Vance, the vice-president, said that fearing or regulating promising technology and scientific progress, including in AI, risked courting the devil, according to the Wall Street Journal, which cited people who attended the event.

‘ . . . His post, which has since been removed, was picked up by the San Francisco Standard, and had reportedly said that Thiel argued that because we are increasingly concerned about existential threats, the time is ripe for the Antichrist to rise to power, promising peace and safety by strangling technological progress with regulation.’

We ain’t no theolojuns, but we reckon Saint Johnny the Chrysostom is more reliable than machine-man Thiel, who said that the restrainer was lawful, God-ordained government in his sermons on II Thessalonians.

Well, how’s that for an update y’all?  From soda pop to Antichrist, all in one go!  Promises to be an adventuresome tenure with ol’ Hosshead as yo’ Suhjen Ginrul!