The Hayride

For A Good Time In Georgetown, Call This Young Lady

For A Good Time In Georgetown, Call This Young Lady
February 28
14:46 2012

Yesterday, some chick named Sandra Fluke was brought in as an expert witness to the House Democratic Steering and Policy Committee – which is Miz Nancy Pelosi’s little coffee klatch – to testify on birth control and how much it costs poor law students who can’t stop screwin’ each other.

Hilarity ensued.

“Forty percent of the female students at Georgetown Law reported to us that they struggled financially as a result of this policy (Georgetown student insurance not covering contraception),” Fluke reported.

It costs a female student $3,000 to have protected sex over the course of her three-year stint in law school, according to her calculations.

“Without insurance coverage, contraception, as you know, can cost a woman over $3,000 during law school,” Fluke told the hearing.

$3,000 over a three-year law school stint is $1,000 a year. $1,000 a year is $83.33 a month.

Birth control pills generally cost somewhere between $15 and $50 a month. Condoms go for about a dollar apiece. For somebody like Sandra Fluke to spend $80 a month on birth control means she’s on the pill PLUS she’s supplying her gentleman callers free condoms as a second level of protection and going through one of them a day on average.

Maybe she’s heavily invested in ibuprofen as well – because she doesn’t seem to get headaches all that often.

Basically, if Miz Sandra is anything like her friends from whom she gets the data on this $1,000 a year for birth control, she gets around a good bit.

They’ve got some pretty aggressive females at Georgetown.

Craig Bannister at CNS News ran the numbers a little differently and maybe more charitably. He assumed that Miz Sandra and her jackrabbit friends took the most economical route and saved money on birth control pills – and instead bought condoms in bulk…

At a dollar a condom if she shops at CVS pharmacy’s website, that $3,000 would buy her 3,000 condoms – or, 1,000 a year. (By the way, why does CVS.com list the weight of its condom products in terms of pounds?)

Assuming it’s not a leap year, that’s 1,000 divided by 365 – or having sex 2.74 times a day, every day, for three straight years. And, I thought Georgetown was a Catholic university where women might be prone to shun casual, unmarried sex. At least its health insurance doesn’t cover contraception (that which you subsidize, you get more of, you know).

And, that’s not even considering that there are Planned Parenthood clinics in her neighborhood that give condoms away and sell them at a discount, which could help make her sexual zeal more economical.

Besides, maybe, these female law students could cut back on some other expenses to make room for more birth control in their budgets, instead of making us pick up the tab. With classes and studying and all that sex, who’s got time for cable?

And, let’s not forget about these deadbeat boyfriends (or random hook-ups?) who are having sex 2.74 times a day. If Fluke’s going to ask the government to force anyone to foot the bill for her friends’ birth control, shouldn’t it be these guys?

All of this seems to suggest at least two important conclusions:

  1. If these women want to have sex, we shouldn’t be forced to pay for it, and
  2. If these co-eds really are this guy crazy, I should’ve gone to law school

No, wait, it gets funnier.

Here’s the video. A couple of things you’ll notice in here…

First, there’s the part where she talks about her friend who was “embarrassed and powerless” when she found out that Georgetown’s insurance policy didn’t cover birth control pills.

Maybe her friend could be empowered by making the dude’s she’s shtupping cough up for some rubbers. No glove, no love – ain’t that how it goes? Or if she’s goin’ steady, she could hit him up for a check to cover those birth control pills. And if he’s as broke as she is, she could offer to let him out of takin’ her out and gettin’ her drunk once a month in advance of one of those romantic bump-and-grind sessions she seems so embarrassed about.

And then we have the part at the end where she gets pissed at the concept that maybe she oughta pick a different law school if she wants to have free birth control pills from the student insurance – since, y’know, Georgetown’s a Catholic school and the Catholics are kinda hamstrung by the fact the Catholic Church is a stick in the mud about birth control and really would rather not pay for it.

“We refuse to pick between a quality education and our health and we resent that, in the 21st Century, anyone thinks it’s acceptable to ask us to make that choice simply because we are women,” is the quote.

Lots to unpack there; we’ll suffice to say that Georgetown ain’t the only place you can get a quality education, birth control pills ain’t exactly the only road to “health,” people get asked to make choices on what to spend their money on all the time and it really doesn’t have a lot to do with whether you’re a woman or not. Again, like Miz Sandra’s embarrassed friend oughta consider, just because your insurance policy you get through the school doesn’t give you free pills that doesn’t mean you can’t hit your boyfriend – or one of your boyfriends – up for ’em. Hell, you could even take up a collection. A tip jar by the bed, even.

I mean, if you’re gonna go at it once a day, you can get what you need to cover the cost from shakin’ change out of these guys’ pants. And if they can’t even come up with that, your problem isn’t Georgetown’s shitty insurance policy. Your problem is you’re screwin’ too many brokedicks.

You think Miz Sandra’s parents are proud of her testimony today? “I screw around so much I’m goin’ broke payin’ for contraceptives and almost half the crowd I run with is doin’ the same.” Guess they live in one of those places where they’ve got a lot of gun control, and Dad can’t get access to a shotgun.

Miz Sandra probably didn’t like Foster Friess’ joke about aspirin between her knees. She might oughta give it a try, for the sake of her credit rating.

The best part, though, Hot Air picked up on

Some little part of Fluke must recognize that it’s not [a medical necessity], because she sought to bolster her argument with an example of an illness in which contraception might be a medically necessary treatment. Another friend of hers, she said, has polycystic ovarian syndrome, for which contraception is a common treatment. Some insurance programs that don’t cover contraception normally would nevertheless cover it as a treatment for PCOS — but other insurance programs wouldn’t. Fluke makes it sound like contraception is the only treatment for PCOS. In fact, it isn’t — and contraception is prescribed as a treatment only when the woman also wants to contracept. Fluke says her friend is a lesbian — and so wouldn’t need contraception. Why didn’t she opt for any of the other treatments, then?

Birth control pills for lesbians? Why not? And you oughta pay for it, too.

Look, maybe we’re going about this all wrong. Maybe Miz Sandra’s right and Georgetown’s just too stuffy. Maybe they ought to put birth control out for everybody for free – and just raise tuition. Since all these kids are getting student loans anyway, that is, and since Obama wants to do free college.

Georgetown oughta do that and then tout that as a feature of going to their law school. After all, if Miz Sandra has it right they’re overrun with minxes over there, and that oughta make the place downright attractive to the younguns.

A web ad like this might get that message across, y’know…

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