Christmas is just around the corner, so I decided to compile a list of things to NEVER get your kids. It’s most likely that your kid didn’t ask for any of these items, since they have, thankfully, all gone to that great toy box in the sky.
Unfortunately, their effects will be felt for years and hours spent playing with these toys will be relived on psychologists couches for lifetimes.
Here are the top five most disturbing Christmas toys of all time.
5. Mika–the peeing cat: How was this ever a good idea? I like cats and small fuzzy animals in general, but the nobody likes cat piss. Last year, I was gone from home for a couple of days and one of my cats sneaked in the door as I was loading stuff into my car—unbeknownst to me.
As soon as I returned, I knew exactly what had happened by the smell that hit me. The cat had peed on everything. I’m sure that Mika’s pee didn’t have that authentic cat pee smell or Mattel would have been sued out of business.
4. Barbie and Her (pooping) Dog Tanner: This is a close second to Mika. It could really be a toss up, but Tanner seems even a tad more disgusting than Mika. Again, I ask I have to ask why and what little girl goes to bed on Christmas Eve with dreams of plastic dog poop filling her head?
3. The Oozinator: A water gun that shoots goop of some sort is perfect evidence why an intelligence evaluation should be required before some people are allowed to reproduce. I can only hope that whomever was dumb enough to buy something like this for their kid got shot by it repeatedly. I’m sure they did, because God exists and He is just.
2.Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow: A milk cow named Milky–the creative geniuses behind this toy were off the charts. What kid can’t wait to go out and milk a cow by hand just like gramma used to do? I wonder how many were rushed to the emergency room after consuming too much of the fake milk from those milk tablets. It’s certain that if this toy were around today, there would be a big disclaimer at the end of the commercial telling kids not to drink the “milk”. Toys like this are the reason we live in such a litigious society these days.
1. Baby Laugh-a-Lot: The most disturbing toy of all time has to be Remco’s Baby Laugh-a-lot. This commercial speaks for itself. Batteries are not included, but a lifetime of nightmares are guaranteed. Merry Christmas and sweet dreams.