Sure, it’s for a good cause, but the “slacktivism” abounding over the idea to pour an ice bucket over one’s head to supposedly raise awareness of ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s Disease, has become more than irritating.

The Ice Bucket Challenge, as a marketing ploy, is terrific. The burgeoning coffers of the ALS research foundations prove that. But as an example of the cocktail of social media, infantile exhibitionism, empty gesturing and politically correct conformity our society has so often become, it’s a bad sign. The success of the Ice Bucket Challenge is bound to produce even dumber slacktivist fads you’re a terrible person if you don’t participate in.

So to fight a rearguard action against the encroaching idiocy, and to uphold the tradition of quiet, dignified charitable giving, we offer renowned British actor and paragon of traditional Western culture Patrick Stewart to show you how to properly answer the Ice Bucket Challenge…