VIDEO: If You Want To Know Exactly How Fat And Lazy America Is, This Is Where We Are

Our buddy Brian Haldane found this, and was appropriately despondent about how fat and lazy we’ve become as a society that somebody would be marketing a gadget that would help you put your socks on. “Is this where we are?” Brian asked. “Is this who we are?”

Yes, Brian. This is where, and this is who.

To be fair, there is always somebody out there who comes up with a gadget he or she has invented. And it can be said that the universe of uninvented, new gadgets shrinks every year as more are thought up and brought to market.

And we’ve had more than our share of ridiculous, yet strangely useful gadgets make it to TV. Mr. Microphone, for example, or the Slap Chop.

But a plastic sleeve you can stick your foot in to put your socks on because you can’t touch your toes?


You’ll note the way this is presented. All of the user testimonials purport to be from people who’ve had back surgery, etc.

That isn’t the core market for this. The core market is people who are obese. There are a whole lot more fatties who can’t see their feet much less touch them than there are back patients. This thing is for couch potatoes who’ve let themselves go to such an extent that the battle is forever lost, and they can’t always get by with flip flops or slip-on shoes. Sometimes you have to lace ’em up, and when you’re that fat those times will make you know it.

But we don’t drop the weight. No, indeed. We use technology as a crutch to shield us from the consequences of our vices.

Kudos to the makers of the Sock Slider, at the end of the day. They didn’t create this slovenly, gluttonous society of ours. They’re just making a buck off easing the suffering of the fatties.

Look, I’m saying this as someone who got on a scale a week ago and was horrified at the results. I was heavier than I’d ever been and absolutely disgusted with myself for allowing such a poor state of affairs to take hold. So I cut out all the carbohydrates and sugar I possibly could from my diet and I’m walking four miles a day, and in a week I lost seven pounds on the way to a goal of losing 40 pounds. I will never be that heavy again.

I don’t want to hear that it can’t be done. It can always be done. Put your socks on by yourself, and then get off the couch.

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