Alright, so I’m already sick of all the uninformed comments about Christopher Columbus on this Columbus Day.

1. Negative comments about Columbus are nothing more than thinly veiled racism against the great Italian people, so quit pretending like you give two shits about the great Native American people.

2. Trying to draw a moral equivalence between someone who lived 100, 200, 500, or 2000 years ago against accepted social principles of today is an exercise in intellectual futility. Trust me, none of you (nor I) are smart enough to pull it off successfully, so stop it.

3. Yes, it is factually inaccurate to say that Columbus “discovered” America. It was already here and humans were inhabiting the continent. But he did prove by application of theory that the earth was indeed, not flat. He did, however, improve the wardrobe here.

4. In embarking on his journey, Columbus also proved that he had far bigger balls than any living man today, except for Chuck Norris, of course.

5. For those of you are evolution fans, evolution wasn’t working so good here before Columbus. It still isn’t working in many parts of South America and Africa, so don’t surmise that first world civilization would have happened anyway.

6. If you care to take your slacktivism further than just parroting somebody else’s retarded opinion on Facebook, go demand that every town in America named Columbus or Columbia immediately change their names. Good luck with that.

7. You can also go stick your dirty, stinky, gnarled middle finger in the face of somebody whose last name is Colombo. Good luck with that too.

I can live with the fact that stupid people will always hook up and have stupid kids, but I have absolutely no tolerance for people with sub-80 IQ scores who think they are geniuses just because they figured out how to cut and paste a link from huffpost, daily kos, or whatever other anti-American hate mongering site is out there and stick it on Facebook.

Kill yourselves.