To Kip: You So Crazy!

Y’all prolly know that mayor they got in Baton Rouge is hustlin’ his lil’ butt off to get in the news this week.

Because he just re-announced he’s gonna run for Lootenant Governor next year, and he’s gotta stay relevant and all. That’s how it works for politicians. A year ago he said he was gonna run for that but he didn’t do anythin’ to make anybody remember that he was doin’ it, so he’s re-runnin’ now.

Which means Kip’s new nickname is Re-Run. Like this guy.

An’ trust me. Kip has that costume. It’s in his closet next to his bike cop outfit and his Dr. Seuss hat.

Anyhow, so he says he’s re-runnin’ for Lt. Gov., so he’s gotta go make a statement about how people should realize He’s A Serious Dude Re-Runnin’ For A Serious Office And Should Not Be Trifled With.

Because Lt. Gov. is a serious office. So serious that every 10 years or so they try to abolish it.

But it’s serious to Kip. Serious enough that when Jindal and Chuckleckley and that bonus baby guy from the state police went down to the border on Monday to get a handle on how many hombres with tattoos on their mugs are gonna get dropped off in the parkin’ lot of the local Albertson’s or Rouse’s here in the state, he knows he’s gotta make a serious statement about it.

Except he didn’t…really.

“This is the first time in our history that a governor has said that the U.S. Mexican border is a threat to Louisiana,” Holden said. He added that Jindal’s priorities were misplaced and the governor should be more concerned with issues closer to home like crime, access to health care, poverty and coastal restoration.

Because Kip is a Serious Dude Re-Runnin’ For A Serious Office And Should Not Be Trifled With, and he has Serious Priorities up in his mind.

Serious priorities like whether a dude who shows up to a job interview in a sundress with a parasol can sue Mike’s AC Repair for not hirin’. That’s a serious priority for Kip when the roads get clogged all over town every time there’s a fender-bender on the interstate. Or when it’s like Baghdad – or Chicago if you’d rather – every night north of Florida Boulevard.

Serious priorities from a Serious Dude Re-Runnin’ For A Serious Office And Should Not Be Trifled With.

An’ those priorities deserve a Serious Speech. Like this one…

I’m gonna take up for him here, because Hennessy is Serious Cognac. An’ you can’t be a Serious Dude Re-Runnin’ For A Serious Office And Should Not Be Trifled With givin’ a Serious Speech About Serious Priorities unless you got a few of ’em in you.

An’ besides, Kip oughta get credit for his open borders stance. When he cracked down on all them Katrina people comin’ in to East Baton Rouge Parish, it wasn’t good PR for all his Democrat friends. An’ let’s face it, ever since then he’s been runnin’ a pretty good open border with Livingston an’ Ascension Parish. Kip ain’t gonna complain about all the Third World people comin’ into the state when he’s runnin’ all the First World people out of Baton Rouge.

You can bet none of those kids with the tattoos all over their faces are gonna come sit in on Kip’s Friday exploits at Sullivan’s, either – so the border ain’t in his wheelhouse. He’s only interested in Serious Priorities.

That ain’t the tack Jindal’s people took about all this, of course. They went in a different direction last night on this deal…

“We believe the mayor is wrong,” said Shannon Bates, deputy communications director for Jindal. “An unsecured border in Mexico does have an impact in Louisiana. Look at the drugs and gangs coming across the border into Texas that are arriving in our state. It is shortsided of the mayor to say that illegal immigrants and an unsecure border don’t have an impact.”


Well, he does need some new glasses. That ain’t his problem, though.

Interested in more news from Louisiana? We've got you covered! See More Louisiana News
Previous Article
Next Article
Join the Conversation - Download the Speakeasy App.

Trending on The Hayride