PERRICONE: Advice To Men In The 2020 Workplace

This advice is for all working men, from an old retired law enforcement officer.

Never fraternize with women in the work place.

They are not your friends, but your co-workers and competitors. Just today, we see a reporter from Fox News lose his job over an allegation of sexual misconduct. True or not, please follow this advice to safe your career and/or legal fees.

1. Always be polite and respectful of all co-workers, especially women. Even the slightest glare may signal to them an unwanted entreaty to have more than a workplace relationship. Keep it professional at all times.

2. Never compliment a woman on how she looks or dresses. Keep your thoughts to yourself and get back to work.

3. If you are having a group conversation with men and women and one of your male colleagues says something about women or sex, RUN. Go back to work. Avoid the meeting. Just politely excuse yourself and RUN.

4. Don’t go to office Christmas parties. Too much booze and too many iPhone cameras. Same goes for office birthday parties.

5. If you find yourself with a female co-worker, never put yourself in a position where you’re alone with her or where the door is closed. That’s a variant of the Mike Pence rule, for which he was viciously attacked – but no one has ever been in a position to accuse Pence of untoward behavior. Then after completing the meeting, memorialize it in a memo, made contemporaneously after the meeting. Don’t wait to record it later. Keep a journal.

6. Never, and I mean never, go to after-work drinks with a female co-worker. You will have better luck traversing an Israeli mine field without losing a limb.


7. Never have small talk with a female co-worker. You are there to work, not play.

8. Know and understand that today’s women seek advancement, just as you do, and will do anything to get it, including, in too many cases for your comfort, suing for it and ruining your life. Don’t give them a case. Be polite, but defend yourself at all times.

9. Always remember the workplace is just a short drive to the courthouse. When you see a beautiful woman in the workplace, imagine her on the witness stand testifying against you. With that image in your head, go back to work.

10. Remember, Eve gave Adam the apple. How did that work out for Adam?

These are ten suggestions for male survival in today’s workplace. Rememberthat in today’s ultra-competitive workplace, behind the cutest smile is a set of fangs just waiting to make you bleed. Your career which should last years is worth more than a few frolicking minutes with an attractive co-worker.

They are not your friends. Remember that.

Finally, remember a dog never poops where he eats.



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