Have you ever known someone who makes everything about them? You know the type — no matter what the conversation is, they spin it back to their own struggle. You could be talking about the loss of a loved one, the challenges of raising a family, or trying to make ends meet — and somehow, they’ll top it with a tale of how they have it worse, how they are the first to ever endure something so difficult. It’s as if pain, hardship, and sacrifice only exist in their world.

Honestly, it gets a little ridiculous. We’ve all faced pain. We’ve all dealt with disappointment, loss, fear, stress. That’s the shared experience of humanity. There’s a difference between sharing a story to connect — and hijacking every moment to spotlight your own suffering. And in a world that already feels divided, we don’t need more self-centered drama. We need more humility, more listening, and a reminder that there is greatness within each of us to overcome; that we are designed to be more the victor, and less the victim.

So, when Michelle Obama recently opined in her new podcast how difficult life was for her, saying, “We don’t articulate, as black women, our pain, because it’s almost like nobody gave us permission to do that” – I was like, “Wait, what?”

Well, first of all, if black women “just live with their pain,” what does everyone else (who aren’t black women) do with their pain? And secondly, is there really someone in charge of granting permission to complain? Is there some form online to fill-out that I missed?

The truth of the matter is no one needs permission to complain. If you’ve got a mouth and a thought, you’re free to speak. And the idea that you need approval before you air your grievances—reveals a deeper craving for validation, not truth. It’s a signal that says, “See how oppressed I am? I even need permission just to hurt.”

No, you don’t. You want applause for your pain. That’s not the same as needing permission. Complaining is super easy. Taking responsibility is hard. So, if you feel the need to speak out about a wrong, just do it—but don’t pretend like someone’s holding you back when the world is practically begging for your opinion. You don’t need permission. You need perspective.

Pain is not the exclusive territory of any race, gender, or class. Pain is the price of being human.

The single mother who works two jobs and still shows up to every little league game? Pain. The farmer who loses the family ranch to a flood and starts over from scratch? Pain. The dad who lost his son to fentanyl. Pain. The military spouse who says goodbye over and over and never knows if it’s the last hug? Pain.

Mrs. Obama, Americans don’t “just live with pain” – we overcome it. We grow from it. We make it part of our legacy, not our label. The alternative is to surrender, but America wasn’t built by quitters and we’re not starting now.

Imagine if Mrs. Obama had said, instead: “Black women live with pain—but they also raise families, build businesses, become doctors, write best-selling books, serve their country in uniform, get elected to lead their communities and country?”

That’s a message of empowerment, indeed.

And while it is true that, as C.S. Lewis once wrote, “you can’t go back and change the beginning,” you can also “start where you are and change the ending.”

Not more recitations of grievances, or guilt, or group identity – but courage, character, and commitment.

That – my friends – is what America is still made of.

So, while the past has shaped us, the future is still ours to build – and you don’t need anyone’s “permission” to do that, Mrs. Obama, regardless of what gender or color you might be.

Louis R. Avallone is a Shreveport businessman, attorney, and author of Bright Spots, Big Country, What Makes America Great. He is also a former aide to U.S. Representative Jim McCrery and Trump elector. Follow him on Facebook, on Twitter @louisravallone or by e-mail at louisavallone@mac.com, and on American Ground Radio weeknights from 5 – 7 PM on 101.7FM/710AM KEEL in Shreveport, or weeknights from 6 – 8 PM on 96.5FM KPEL in Lafayette, or weeknights from 7 – 9 p.m. on 990 AM WGSO in New Orleans, or weeknights from 7 – 9 PM on 105.7FM/540AM KMLB in Monroe, and on 107.3 FM in Baton Rouge, and streaming live on iHeart.com, on iTunes, at americangroundradio.com and in over 40 markets across the country.