The Hayride

BAYHAM: Column Festivus

BAYHAM: Column Festivus
December 23
11:56 2016

Gather round the aluminum pole, for it’s that special day of the year Festivus.

There shall be feats of strength involving hauling luggage up and down non-ADA accessible stairwells later but for now, there will the traditional airing of grievances, and as always I got a lot of problems with a lot of people.

The University of Florida- You’re garbage. Your administration. Your football program, from the coach down to your players. And your fan base isn’t exactly top shelf either.

Playing a game of chicken with LSU’s football team as a hurricane barreled towards your state just to delay a football game coming at an inconvenient time for the Gator defensive line is as low as it gets.

Mocking LSU’s mascot that had died from aggressive cancer is really low.

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And the classless comments and behavior by the head coach while in Tiger Stadium is enough to supplant Bama as the most hated in the minds of LSU fans.

The SEC- They facilitated Florida’s nonsense and at the end gave them what they wanted: two consecutive home games against LSU (2017 & 2018). This is why I cheer for my alma mater and not the conference that jerks it around.

New Orleans Saints- It looks like we have returned to the Haslett ball era where the team does terrible enough to not make the playoffs but not awful enough to bring about the large-scale changes in the coaching staff and front office that are needed.

New Orleans Pelicans- One of the greatest basketball players in the world plays for one of the worst teams in the NBA. And nobody seems to have a problem on Airline Drive.

Hillary Clinton- You know what really got me mad? Of all her merde it was the insincere pledge to visit flooded Baton Rouge at a time when her visit wouldn’t interfere with rescue operations.

For once FEMA beat somebody to a place as Clinton never showed. Red states didn’t matter and we all knew she thought we were deplorable long before she said the words.

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Loretta Lynch- The worst attorney general since the Harding Administration. Covered up for Hillary on one day, improperly visiting with Bill on another, and personally encouraging professional rioters to keep making mischief after police were gunned down. The mascot for the Obama Administration.

Evan McMullin- This guy wanted Hillary Clinton to become president and cost Donald Trump Minnesota, a state the GOP hasn’t carried since 1972. So you accomplished that. Schmuck.

John Kasich- You and Jeb Bush signed a pledge, though neither honored it the governor of Ohio made a point of actively trying to sabotage Trump in his state. No showed the GOP national convention that he leveraged to be included in the kickoff debate and avoid being sent to the children’s table debate with Jim Gilmore. That so many Democrats liked him says a lot.

The Faithless Electors- You had one job to do and you couldn’t even manage that. These gadflies turned their mundane yet important role into a “look at me” moment by ignoring the will of the people and getting creative. The idea was to start a push to abolish the system. In the end their antics will be nothing more than asterisks in the history books.

MTV News: You know what you did.

SNL- This isn’t a criticism on Alec Baldwin’s portrayal of Trump, which was so over the top that it was irrelevant, if not helpful by making Trump seem not as dangerous as the Democrats trued to make him appear. This is a criticism about the avalanche of shots they’ve taken at Trumps campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, mocking her looks and making her appear clinically depressed. I must have missed all the ugly shots they took at Robbie Mook on the Clinton side. They villifies Mike Pence as if he was a disgusting person whose mere presence induces vomiting and even parodied the Trump kids, though I don’t recall any Chelsea spoofing.

I don’t have an issue with satire, on the contrary, I enjoy it even if my own side us targeted, but the meanness personalization of SNL’s crossed a line. That they went after one candidate’s children and staff and not the other reflects an unhealthy bias that is pervasive in the entertainment industry.

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Mike Bayham

Mike Bayham

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