Let’s Talk About Smooth

One of my favorite sayings is: “smooth as a baby’s bottom”. It conjures good images. Cherubs smiling and giggling, lolling on changing tables, baby powder clouds wafting in the breeze: it’s enchanting. It’s also a crock.

I’ve watched the TV commercials and read the campaign “literature” for different candidates and recognize it as performance art. I’ve seen the manufactured, polished and poised presence of supposed greatness. Some personify the image of being as smooth as a baby’s bottom.”

There’s always one candidate adopting the stance of what I call the “Man of Vision”.  You know: the arm across his chest, the other poising his fingertip thoughtfully at his chin as he ponders the enormity of the challenge he’s sure you’ll elect him to if you’ll just recognize he, and he alone, looks as good as he does in his $1500 suit and $300 wingtips. Also, you see the strength of character he portrays in the thoughtful look on his face. Or is it vacuity? Whatever.

This guy’s a lawyer, but not in private practice. He’s consecutively held as many offices as he can get elected to. He now craves another. This is without having completed the last elected term in office. But, he feels he alone can solve Louisiana’s problems. It might be better if he’d articulate his stance on the issues. I guess that’d call for him to recognize the issues first. To date he’s planted his feet firmly on the water he walks. A curmudgeon told me people became judges because they were lousy lawyers. Does that mean lousy lawyers become politicians for the same reason?

Then there’s “The Star”. He’s a country music legend with three platinum and two gold records. He’s successful (?) and put his best Cowboy Boot forward on the campaign trail. But what the heck does that have to do with being Lieutenant Governor? His proposals “grow government”. He’ll issue tax credits and hopes to build another Branson Missouri in our backyard. Could this be the next Six Flags – New Orleans? He’s suffered a severe tax debt. Like Timmy Geithner he must have been using TurboTax © with reading the instructions.

The lady in the race, another lawyer (oh Gawd), also believes she can save Louisiana. I quote: “…will attack wasteful government spending, raise standards and increase accountability”. Could you be any less specific? Yeah. Right. My kid has more legislative stroke than the Lieutenant Governor and he’s only 13.

The guy from Covington identified our need to hold onto our culture. He mentions festivals and sees the “heart of Louisiana is its people”. That’s good. I like that. He knows people define culture. He has no other clues he wants to divulge concerning advancing Louisiana, but he does know people define culture. Thank-you. Thank you very much.

Then there’s the last guy. He’s a successful, independent businessman. He actually pays his taxes. He’s run a business and never been in bankruptcy. (Say what??) He’s politically adept and says he needs to “promote economic development in Louisiana”. He wants to “protect our state from …healthcare reform in Washington D.C.” He says he wants to cut the Louisiana Income Tax and repeal the Corporate Franchise Tax. Then he wants to promote tourism and use BP Relief funds to promote Louisiana and minimize the damages.

While he recognizes the position’s limitations, he says he can still publicly attract attention to and promote the reduction of the “size and scope of government.” He recognizes the state budget has “nearly tripled in just 12 years, between 1996 & 2008”, and he’s a proponent of asserting “our Tenth Amendment Rights and fight for the freedoms for which our forefathers died.”

 Now, this guy’s speaking clearly. Articulated issues. Responses to real questions. Statements made without dancing around the core issues.

All of this was derived from the candidates on-line campaign statements. Dardenne, Fayard, Kershaw, Davis and Villere are on record as stated. You can go to their sites and see what I’m talking about.

But, when you do, you’ll understand what I’m saying when you recognize “who’s as smooth as a baby’s bottom.” They’ll be the ones exhibiting the product of a smooth baby’s bottom. It takes an honest, involved person to change that stinky diaper and make the baby feel better.

Thanks for listening.



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